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Jm4362 · 02-10-2007, 08:17 PM

Hello,

I will now explain to you my unusual situation and invite opinions.

I am a female college student, and recently met an intriguing man, older than me, that I was interested in dating. We went on an "official" date (a movie) and hung out a few times and all seemed to be going smoothly, but then we had a talk and he explained his views on relationships. I'll probably mangle it in the retelling, but here is roughly what he said--

That in a normal relationship with a boyfriend and girlfriend, it is expected that neither of them will date anyone else, and that idea makes him feel trapped. So he has created a situation he feels comfortable with, which is to date more than one girl, seriously. He has two girlfriends, both living about two hours away, who know about each other and accept the situation, which is called "polyamoury" or a "polyamourous relationship".

Of course, he said he was totally aware of the fact that it was not considered the norm and would understand if I NEVER EVER wanted to be in a relationship with him.

After thinking about it I decided that this situation is unfortunate for him. I don't consider myself an expert on the subject at all, but it seems that feeling trapped by a relationship is a pretty good signal to get out of it. Also, even if he is giving 100% to his relationships, each of the girlfriends is getting only 50%, while they give 100% to him (unless they also decide to get other boyfriends, which he would find acceptable).

I haven't talked to him since yesterday (when he told me about it) as it seems a very awkward situation for all parties. I don't plan to continue to date him, but he's a cool guy so I will remain friendly.

What do you all think? crazy, huh?

02-10-2007, 08:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jm4362 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Orlando, FL Posts: 66	Polyamoury? ? Hello, I will now explain to you my unusual situation and invite opinions. I am a female college student, and recently met an intriguing man, older than me, that I was interested in dating. We went on an "official" date (a movie) and hung out a few times and all seemed to be going smoothly, but then we had a talk and he explained his views on relationships. I'll probably mangle it in the retelling, but here is roughly what he said-- That in a normal relationship with a boyfriend and girlfriend, it is expected that neither of them will date anyone else, and that idea makes him feel trapped. So he has created a situation he feels comfortable with, which is to date more than one girl, seriously. He has two girlfriends, both living about two hours away, who know about each other and accept the situation, which is called "polyamoury" or a "polyamourous relationship". Of course, he said he was totally aware of the fact that it was not considered the norm and would understand if I NEVER EVER wanted to be in a relationship with him. After thinking about it I decided that this situation is unfortunate for him. I don't consider myself an expert on the subject at all, but it seems that feeling trapped by a relationship is a pretty good signal to get out of it. Also, even if he is giving 100% to his relationships, each of the girlfriends is getting only 50%, while they give 100% to him (unless they also decide to get other boyfriends, which he would find acceptable). I haven't talked to him since yesterday (when he told me about it) as it seems a very awkward situation for all parties. I don't plan to continue to date him, but he's a cool guy so I will remain friendly. What do you all think? crazy, huh?