Hi jamasiel
I have no wish to attack you, or for you to feel attacked. If you say that something works for you then you are right, you know yourself better than I know you.
I misread your words on him changing his use of porn. I thought the solutions you were offering were all about Farryn changing, so I stand corrected.
I think that people can have very fulfilling relationships and use violent or non violent pornography.
I personally feel violent pronography is harmful, it sometimes is not faked and includes real people being raped, tortured and hurt (it amazes me how this doesnt seem to bother people!!)and i feel that the reason people like to masturbate to it is that it fulfils some need in them and breaks down their internal resistance and normalises the violence.
There seems to be just a breakdown of semantics. I totally agree with you that porn can be a part of a fulfilling relationship if both partners want to include the fantasy of other people in their relationship. I think that is totally ok if that is what they want!! I know there is a difference between thoughts and actions.
Farryns seems to be saying that she doesnt want it to be a part of HER realtionship. I think this is totally reasonable. She is a human being with a right to her emotions, wants and desires. Are you saying she is wrong for wanting this? One poster went so far to say that if she feels like this she doesnt deserve a boyfriend. I just feel like we dont live in a porn dictatorship and everyone doesnt have to include it in their realtionship and we dont have to shame or be cruel to people who do not want to include porn in their relationship.
You wrote
"You'll kindly note that I said that an option would be to him changing his using porn - or changing her mindset. (I'll try to assume you weren't deliberately ignoring that part.)
Which do you think is more likely?"
I dont know which is more likely. It would be better to ask them that question. I dont know anything about them and therefore am not in a position to try to guess their behaviour.  |