Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Bla bla, life story, bla bla. Tired of everything.

JacksEarth · 08-17-2009, 12:32 PM

Who the heck follows a blog where the author just complains about life?
I'm with supernova on this one.

Time has the same perspective I had when I was a teenager.
I couldn't settle for that. It didn't make sense.

When I was in england I sent 3applications a day, Personally handing them in, and even pushed myself into interviews after being shut down.
It lead nowhere and effectively drained my spirits and hope for mankind. (sounds dramatic but it isn't the first time)
Why are we so prejudice and bad to eachother?
I felt so good that I finally got somewhere that I smiled everyday, even at work.
I'd talk to all the scammers who try to sell you fund raisers, just to try and make their day better. I talked to homeless people who were bored or approached me, I even bought them food every once in a while. Even though I couldn't afford it, I almost ended up on the streets myself.
I did this to give myself hope, If I was good to people. Something good would happen, but it never did.
I sincerely believed that If I was nice and generous, even if I had nothing, something good would happen. And I was honest too. I didn't help them to benefit just me, It felt good to help, them I could relate to their hardships. But as time went on and **** kept happening, money went scarce and I couldn't pay for myself. I just lost it.
What is the point of being nice to people when they don't give a **** about you? I'm so sick of being nice, and genuinely caring about people and never get anything in return but swift kicks to the groin.

I'm tired of trying so hard to get something only to be faced with bigger and tougher obstacles that the goal is lost in the mist.

And now, I don't even have goals. I cant find any that would push me to lift a single finger. It may seem contradictory to write here asking for support if I'm so made up that nothing will ever work. But thats just how I am.
I'm always struggling to find a middle ground, it's either everything or nothing.
Things like 'hope' just make me sadder because hope is nothing.
Hope is just a thought that's supposed to make you feel better, it doesn't mean anything.
But its still the only thing that gets me up in the morning.
Every morning while I twist and turn, trying to fall back asleep I tell myself "Something good will happen.." I do it with a sad and desperate emotion but hopeful none the less. And I get up, moan a bit and get on with doing nothing for another day.
Hope that today I'll find my answer, through rigorously browsing the web, known to have all the info in the world.
Or through taking a 5hour walk looking for 'something'.

08-17-2009, 12:32 PM	#18 (permalink)
JacksEarth Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 82	Hope Who the heck follows a blog where the author just complains about life? I'm with supernova on this one. Time has the same perspective I had when I was a teenager. I couldn't settle for that. It didn't make sense. When I was in england I sent 3applications a day, Personally handing them in, and even pushed myself into interviews after being shut down. It lead nowhere and effectively drained my spirits and hope for mankind. (sounds dramatic but it isn't the first time) Why are we so prejudice and bad to eachother? I felt so good that I finally got somewhere that I smiled everyday, even at work. I'd talk to all the scammers who try to sell you fund raisers, just to try and make their day better. I talked to homeless people who were bored or approached me, I even bought them food every once in a while. Even though I couldn't afford it, I almost ended up on the streets myself. I did this to give myself hope, If I was good to people. Something good would happen, but it never did. I sincerely believed that If I was nice and generous, even if I had nothing, something good would happen. And I was honest too. I didn't help them to benefit just me, It felt good to help, them I could relate to their hardships. But as time went on and ** kept happening, money went scarce and I couldn't pay for myself. I just lost it. What is the point of being nice to people when they don't give a ** about you? I'm so sick of being nice, and genuinely caring about people and never get anything in return but swift kicks to the groin. I'm tired of trying so hard to get something only to be faced with bigger and tougher obstacles that the goal is lost in the mist. And now, I don't even have goals. I cant find any that would push me to lift a single finger. It may seem contradictory to write here asking for support if I'm so made up that nothing will ever work. But thats just how I am. I'm always struggling to find a middle ground, it's either everything or nothing. Things like 'hope' just make me sadder because hope is nothing. Hope is just a thought that's supposed to make you feel better, it doesn't mean anything. But its still the only thing that gets me up in the morning. Every morning while I twist and turn, trying to fall back asleep I tell myself "Something good will happen.." I do it with a sad and desperate emotion but hopeful none the less. And I get up, moan a bit and get on with doing nothing for another day. Hope that today I'll find my answer, through rigorously browsing the web, known to have all the info in the world. Or through taking a 5hour walk looking for 'something'.