"Maybe you should consider learning how to place your focus on HER enjoyment rather than your own. Because, trust me, when the woman is fulfilled, the man is always fulfilled and when a woman feels secure, her man will always be happy."
I'm sorry but this is where I beg to differ. The reason we are having these problems now are because I focused to much on her enjoyment and ignored my own fantasies.
She was quite fulfilled before and I was not.
I agree that it's important for me to focus on her enjoyment but it's not enough in order for me to feel fulfilled. I also have to know that she is excited about my own pleasure and I have to know that I have a chance to express my sexual preferences.
The categorical imperative doesn't work here more than anywhere else. You focusing entirely on the partner doesn't mean he/she does the same. Sometimes you have to remind them.
The breakthrough me and my girlfriend have been having comes from discussing every different thing we like in sex and every different thing we fantasize about, even if we think the other person wouldn't react well to hearing it.
The breakthrough comes from selfishly making lists of things we like the other person to do in separate fields and selfishly expressing the different areas of sex we'd like to explore.
When doing the deed, of course we focus on each other and try to maximize each others' pleasure but that is only possible because we otherwise allow ourselves to be selfish.
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