[ellie]

A few weeks ago I was perusing a job site not out of desperation, just because I thought it might time to look for a full-time job. I do freelance and other things, but I've been thinking it might be time to return to full-time work. Anyway a job caught my eye. It was the kind of the job that was almost exactly what I was after.

Prior to all of this, I had for many months said to myself quite adamantly that my next job would have to x,y and z and also must be 5 minutes away from my house. The 5 minutes away from my house was a big ask to be honest, because where I am living is in the suburbs and there really isn't any major businesses near where I live, just some local shops. And I had also manifested wanting to work for a large organisation - ha ha!

Anyway as it turns out I see on the off chance a job that fitted most of my criteria and yes amazingly literally 5 mintues up the road. The head office was for some reason situated in a strage spot.

So I applied for the job and first I got a rejection letter, which I couldn't quite understand why as I believe I fitted all the criteria and then not long after they reposted the advertisement, with extra criteria, extra critera I had actually put in my resume. So I was a bit peeved, but let it all go because I didn't want to work for a company that re-advertised but sent me a letter saying they had found suitable applicants already.

But then a week later I get a few calls on my phone saying that they had in fact made a mistake and put my details in the wrong pile.

Before the interview, I put out a manifestation that I would for the first time handle my nerves and believe in myself and if the people I would speak to would be the type of people I would like to associate myself with and if not then this not the right job for me.

So the long and the short of it, I went for the interview and it lasted a good while (nearly two hours) and amazingly for the first time I conducted my nerves in a reasonable manner (which was a feat in itself) and I felt comfortable with the people.

However, now my gut feeling tells me not to go for the job, if I get offered it. I think the most scary thing is rejecting something that is almost what I want and yet I want to say "no". I am wondering if my gut feeling is right, or that is more that I am scared to take a leap into the unknown. I believe this job is a bit too technical for me and that I may not be able to handle it.

How do I know that my intuition is right? I mean I have felt this feeling time and time again when I go for jobs that don't feel right, so I almost 99% sure I should not go for it.

I mean the best outcome and probably the most realistic one is that they will of found someone else more suitable, but a nagging feeling inside me says this in fact might be not the case and that I have to deal with the emotional struggle in believing in my intuition.

I don't regret going for the job at all, because for the first time ever I was able to conquer my fear of interviews. I was able to let-go of my fear of people in high authority and not care as much what people think. I walked out of that interview not feeling ill or unhappy with my conduct. I had conquered a major a fear and for that I was truly grateful.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be much appreciated.