Quote:
Originally Posted by Dogg  And just a second thought, just from reading past posts, there seems to be two camps of people when talking about relationships--- 1. that if you and another person are a good match, it shouldn't be hard work to keep a relationship or 2. that even relationships with great qualities take a lot of work to keep going.
If my relationship is taking real effort right now, does that mean we are incompatible? At what point does relationship maintenance turn into trying too hard to make things work? |
I believe both are true. yes, I know the statements sound contradictory, but I think that they can both potentially be true if you keep a few things in mind: 1. Is the relationship often/always hard or only in certain circumstances or at a certain phase? 2. Is the relationship hard because of issues/conflict between the partners or because of issues outside of the relationship?
I fundamentally disagree that "all relationships are hard work"; if a relationship is always too much work, it's not a good sign. However, if things are hard because of external stresses, it's possible to change circumstances or learn how to prevent them from influencing the relationship. If an "easy" relationship turns hard, it may signal a new temporary stage that needs to be worked through rather than a permanent change.
In your case, I've never met you or your girlfriend, so I can't say what the cause is, but if your relationship difficulties are caused by your own internal issues/anxieties/reactions rather than the dynamics of the relationship itself, you might as well work to address these issues now in this relationship, no matter how hard it is and regardless of whether the relationship "can be saved", because
if you don't, you will just repeat these same patterns all over again in your future relationships.
As for "what to do":
I've found EFT helpful for releasing old emotional blocks/pain.
EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Brad Yates - Success Beyond Belief
Angela often posts on the forums regarding NLP and other modalities to help shift yourself to where you want to be.
I also think a good therapist could help, but choose someone with whom you have a real rapport, and someone who is sympathetic to and has experience with GLB issues --- it sounds like a lot of your anxiety and tension may have ties to how you were treated by friends/family when they found out you were gay. (I mean "good therapist". There are a lot of lousy or mediocre ones, or skilled ones you might not click with. Don't be afraid to shop around.)
All the Best.