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Juki Schor · 08-15-2009, 09:52 AM

I have been thinking about this (imo excellent) article a lot and always get stuck on these two sentences:

"They simply have a strong tendency to focus on what they want."

"They’ll often try to “help” the successful people by cautioning them about negative outcomes."

I wonder if unsuccessful people do not so much "want to caution the successful people about negative outcomes", but instead they try to prevent that they are left behind or hurt, so they use whatever they feel could stop the successful person from doing so?

You wrote, accurately, and I have seen that in my own life, that people who tend to be successful have strong "wants", are constantly occupied with their projects and follow through with getting it materialized. In most cases this takes a lot of focus and it seems this often leads to situations where you have to make a decision: success or people, especially if you have deadlines to meet. Those who then decide for people, will often not be so successful, those who drop people and follow through are mostly successful. Simple example: if you have small kids and want to become a top manager at the same time, you won't see them very often.

So I found out that I start to have a negative attitude towards successful people when I feel that their success hurts, exploits or damages me (or for example their kids or the environment), i.e. lack of consideration about the impact of their striving for success to others. Which of course leads me to the thought that for me, due to past experiences, success is somehow linked to exploitation and damaging others which is why I refuse to become successful, may be.
Is there a way to be successful without damaging or exploiting other people?

Is it about finding people who do not get hurt through my own success? As a mother I am constantly in this conflict when it comes to my own development, sensing how far to tune the success process down to keep everybody in the boat (because somehow kicking them out in order to be successful is not an option).

Another thought: Could it also be that those "nagging" unsuccessful people are actually serving the one striving for success through training, unintentionally, their focus, stamina and follow through ability? After all, challenges make you strong. If you stay focussed on achieving your goal despite your partner threatening to kill himself if you don't show up in time for dinner, isn't that a great service? Or did I get something wrong here?

I just hope I never get stuck in neither part, successful or unsuccessful, but can easily switch from and to both sides.

08-15-2009, 09:52 AM	#47 (permalink)
Juki Schor Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Europe Posts: 11	I have been thinking about this (imo excellent) article a lot and always get stuck on these two sentences: "They simply have a strong tendency to focus on what they want." "They’ll often try to “help” the successful people by cautioning them about negative outcomes." I wonder if unsuccessful people do not so much "want to caution the successful people about negative outcomes", but instead they try to prevent that they are left behind or hurt, so they use whatever they feel could stop the successful person from doing so? You wrote, accurately, and I have seen that in my own life, that people who tend to be successful have strong "wants", are constantly occupied with their projects and follow through with getting it materialized. In most cases this takes a lot of focus and it seems this often leads to situations where you have to make a decision: success or people, especially if you have deadlines to meet. Those who then decide for people, will often not be so successful, those who drop people and follow through are mostly successful. Simple example: if you have small kids and want to become a top manager at the same time, you won't see them very often. So I found out that I start to have a negative attitude towards successful people when I feel that their success hurts, exploits or damages me (or for example their kids or the environment), i.e. lack of consideration about the impact of their striving for success to others. Which of course leads me to the thought that for me, due to past experiences, success is somehow linked to exploitation and damaging others which is why I refuse to become successful, may be. Is there a way to be successful without damaging or exploiting other people? Is it about finding people who do not get hurt through my own success? As a mother I am constantly in this conflict when it comes to my own development, sensing how far to tune the success process down to keep everybody in the boat (because somehow kicking them out in order to be successful is not an option). Another thought: Could it also be that those "nagging" unsuccessful people are actually serving the one striving for success through training, unintentionally, their focus, stamina and follow through ability? After all, challenges make you strong. If you stay focussed on achieving your goal despite your partner threatening to kill himself if you don't show up in time for dinner, isn't that a great service? Or did I get something wrong here? I just hope I never get stuck in neither part, successful or unsuccessful, but can easily switch from and to both sides.