Pixiebelle - Totally
Although when I decide on 'this and this' I usually end up not doing them because of circumstances.
Like.. I live in the middle of nowhere and I don't have a drivers license so I depend on family members to get anywhere.
If its something I can do at home then I start doing most of them but never finish due to lack of motivation/get bored instantly.
ssandra - To get help AND share.. Writing it out on paper doesn't work.
For some obscure reason I need people to respond.
"Can you share some of the things that you have been succeeding in?
What are the things that you have been wanting to do (when feeling motivated) yet failed at? "
Art, building my art skills, marketing myself and try to make money off of it.
Put my paintings on the wall of a café, not that they got sold..
Waste of money right there.
Trying to get into music, can't afford an instrument because I don't have any money.
I tried getting over my life long depression and pessimism, which worked for a while. Instead of being pissed off and depressed 7days a week it became 1day a week. Though now I'm back to 7days. A years hard work gone in a day, haha.
I tried getting jobs, any job, **** jobs, WHATEVER for 8months with no results.
I spent some months doing more art and working on personal development, one day decide to say yes to absolutely everything. (yes, I know. Totally stolen from the movie 'yes man'. What can I say? It gave me hope for a week!)
So within 1week, I end up in England working in a factory with a bunch of people who don't even speak English.
For you who know anything about england.. I'll say this 'Leicester'.
For you who don't know.. lets just say its more Pakistan than anything.
Now, nothing against Pakistanis.. except maybe, learn the damn language before you move to england -_-
They didn't even speak english in the damn stores!!
The factory had no breaks at all, 8hours a day doing worthless annoying work in a loud environment that just gave me headaches daily, I walked 17km daily because I couldnt afford the bus!, I didnt get paid until my 4th week and literally lived on 3pieces of dry bread a day for a week. I lost 7kilos, my stomach looks really sweet~
After the 4th week I decided to just give up, It was NOT worth fighting for, I had nothing. Knew none, and had nothing to look forward to. + I was ****ing hungry..
I lived in a 4room house with 7polish retards.. like.. bottom of the food chain..
Smoked weed 24/7, loud, drunk all the time, brains the size of peanuts.. pricks. It was horrible.
All the money I earned (which I STILL haven't received all of..)
Went to pay for food, bills and the plane ticket home. I earned like 5euros from that nightmare..
So I come home, read some books like "Think and grow rich" and get all excited, decided that now I'm gonna do something.. weeks pass and nothing.
What am I gonna do? I dont wanna do anything. Now people are getting pissed because I am obviously mooching, living here with no money.
And I'm not going back to industrial work. I considered jumping off a bridge while in England, some guy told me in an accent "No.. " and waved his hands.
So I kept walking to work that day -_-
The first thing I did when I got to england was try and get a better job, like first to last week I went out daily to every pub,café and restaurant applying for whatever position they might have.
But obviously, didnt go so well.
This is why im stressed as well.
There is nothing I want to do, nothing I want to study if I should go back to school, I have no connections or people to talk to, I'm tired of games, drawing, walking, working out, eating, sleeping, music to some extent.
So what am I gonna do? I cant get a job that will make me happy so there is no chance of getting money. Nothing I wanna study. No future plans.
I'm getting angrier and angrier just by typing this so I'm gonna stop now..
I apologize for every sentence I write.. I say sorry in my head every time because I know how annoying it is to read about somebody's ♥♥♥♥♥♥ life.