This is hard for me to talk about, but I'll give it a go.
My life hasn't been normal - far from it in fact. In summary, I was abused by my father until the age of 15. He then left the family. I am now 22 and for the past 7 years I have been struggling with depression, OCD and some other bothersome troubles.
As you can imagine, I have not been able to do all the normal things that would be expected as I grew older: I didn't go to parties, I didn't really have friends, I've never had a girlfriend and generally life has been pretty miserable. I should say, though, that I am now in uni, but things still aren't too different.
What bothers me most, however, is that I haven't had a partner; I've never even kissed a girl. I struggle with this on a daily basis, wondering whether I will ever be in a relationship. It is true, I am quite aware that I am not alone in this predicament and that many others are like me. But that doesn't make it any easier. I have a facebook account and sometimes I have had a little look at my friend's profiles. Often what I see is that they've had so much experience in relationship, experience that I haven't had. Sometimes these people are younger than me, and it just hurts to think I've missed so much.
As a boy, I do have quite strong sexual urges and these bother me most. I don't know how to beat them, I don't know how to deal with them. Sure, 'self-help', if you know what I mean, does the trick for a while, but then the urges are back and I'm stuck yet again in the same boat.
I've had a lot of time to think about relationships and judging by the posts I've read on here, they're not easy. I know that relationships are not everything, even though they are promoted in every aspect of our lives, but this knowledge doesn't stop me from wanting it any more.
Is there any way, do you think, to rise above these primitive physiological feelings I have? I know they're normal and are party responsible for you and me existing today, but sex isn't everything.
I'm not sure what exactly the purpose of this post was. Maybe it was to vent, maybe it was a cry for help of some kind, maybe it was a flicker of insanity, I don't know. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. The wiser part of me I feel is not worrying about this predicament; indeed, it knows that everything is going to be all right. I'm not sure what else to say....thanks for reading!
