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Originally Posted by Yellow  My bf recently suggested we go open. I have always thought of relationships as monogamous, at least thought mine would be. I like the idea of it but my fear and possessiveness (that I didn't know I had) make it VERY difficult. How did you guys make the emotional transition to an open relationship?
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We have a great relationship and I guess it feels like it deserves to break the norms just because of how great we are together. I feel that we CAN handle it and we should give it a try because we DO have the ability. But I am not emotionally there yet and don't see myself getting there for years. So, I am wondering how you guys made the emotional transition, especially if it was your SO's idea.. |
I have always been the one to sugest it, because I simply do not understand the jealousy involved with sex.
That said.. I am probably the most possessive person there is in a relationship. I am clingy, I hate it if he spends time with anybody but me. But this goes for him going out to do sports or go out with his friends exactly the same as for him having sex with somebody else. So I control myself, because I know that I cannot have him around me 24/7 and still have a healthy relationship. Also, the more I give in to it, the worse it gets.
So, in response to your questions.. the first thing that I would do is to start seeing love and sex as 2 different things. It is not love that you are going to share, it is sex. Just as he goes and plays football with his friends, he now goes and has sex with friends (probably not the same, but you get the idea
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Just one point.. it is not for everybody. Sometimes you just have to push through the first time and after everything will be perfect, and other people just cannot even make it to that first time... That is also ok.
There is no SHOULD or HAVE TO in this. There is only doing what feels right, when it feels right.