[Acting Like Godot]

There is definitely something I need to learn here.

When I do IM, the feelings I work with are usually not joy, excitement or appreciation. I would say that I usually work with feelings like calm, peace, confidence, empowerment.

In my "deepest" kind of IM, I would say I work with a "sense of design".

An analogy may be helpful here. What I mean by a "sense of design" is like this - think of a kid playing with a huge pile of Lego bricks. The supply of Lego bricks is practically endless and they come in all sorts of different shapes and colours. He can build whatever he wants - houses, towns, parks, castles, spacecraft - absolutely whatever. All he really needs to do is use his imagination and concentrate and keep sticking bricks together.

When he's playing with his bricks, he's not unhappy or anxious or fearful or worried. But he's not really "joyful" or "happy" or "excited" either. He's more like, "absorbed".

Well, I'm that kid, and my future is made of Lego bricks.

But the fun, for the kid, is in the process of building. Building a Lego house is fun. When the house is completed, it's no fun anymore. You may spend a couple of minutes admiring it - then it's time to start building something else.

Maybe that's why I'm not getting much fun when the desired outcome actually happens. It's my completed Lego house. The fun was in building it, not in having it.

Maybe I need to unwind the internal expectation that "achievements" and "desired outcomes" will bring me happiness. And replace it with the new internal expectation that "working towards an achievement" or "creating the desired outcome" will bring me happiness.

Mmmm, then I could be happy every day.