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Viceguy · 08-08-2009, 02:24 PM

Right now I am in a relationship with a girl I love and my soulmate is in a relationship with a guy she loves. We have never met in real-life and yet we have both know for almost 10 years we are meant for each other.

I'm writing this here because I really don't have anyone available with which I can discuss these matters without endangering my current relationship.

This is my story:

Era I

Ca. 10 years ago me and a girl met on an internet dating site. We started chatting frequently and fell deeply in love. There was a strong sexual connection as well but as we lived a few countries and thousands of kilometers apart we never met. This did not stop us from being very creative in sexual actions in all ways the internet offered. (I'll spare you the details)

The sexual part is important here because I could share with her and she was even excited about parts of my sexuality that I hide from friends, family and even my current girlfriend. With my soulmate (Let's call her Anne) I never have to censor myself or fear being judged. I can bear my soul and it is a marvelous feeling.

At this time we were both quite young and not in any position to move between countries anytime soon or in fact had enough money to go and visit. Due to the distance we both engaged in casual relationships.

I met my current girlfriend (let's call her Beta) in the internet as well and we started dating before long. I was never that impressed with her to be honest but my opinion was always just high enough to go out with her again. And again and again until 2 years later when her lease expired and we decided to move into a student apartment together. All the time I did this thinking it was only temporary. Just until me and Anne were both in a position where I could move to her country or she to mine.

Beta wasn't all to happy though when she found some chatlogs and pictures from conversations between me and Beta though, engaging in some less-than-moral acts.

----

Era II

This is where I draw a line in the story. My attempt to keep my two realities had of course failed eventually and over the course of a few weeks this led me to think seriously about where everything was going and make sustainable plans for the future.

At this point I had been living with Beta for a year or so and had started loving her in that way that only time brings. Not a crazy teenage-in-heat kind of love but a more sophisticated down-to-earth marriage material kind of love. The only problem was that the sex wasn't too exciting as I didn't feel I could open myself as much to Beta as I could to Anne.
Still I decided that I wanted to be with Beta more than I wanted to leave her and take a chance on Anne, which I'd never met, so I resolved to give Anne up completely.

At the time she was in a relationship herself that was starting to get somewhat serious.

And of course I couldn't give her up. Sure, I cut off all communications for about a year or so but after that we started to casually chat again, but with nearly no sex talk.

----

Era III

I move with Beta to a different country for a great job opportunity. I don't know if it was a coincidence, fate or wish realization but it happened to be in the same country as Anne lives in, although some 4-6 hours away by car.

At this point me and Anne both have a cell phone in the same country and thus have better access to each other and the possibility of communicating while in private. (as opposed to our computer rooms)
This means of course that the communication becomes very sexual again. Nothing like it was before and generally no pictures send between us (although there are exceptions) but not something our partners would have been very happy about.

At this point Anne has been with her boyfriend for about 4 years and I with Beta for about 6. I am still apathetic about our sex and that I can't share all my fantasies with Beta, although I like everything else about the relationship. I do love Beta and I couldn't imagine doing anything to hurt her, let alone could I break her heart.

It should follow that Anne has been in the same dilemma as have I. Her boyfriend is very "normal" when it comes to sex while she is a complete freak and he won't do a lot of the stuff the two of us would like to.

----

Era IV

This is the current era and it started yesterday when Anne's boyfriend found our chatlog and a pretty graphic picture I sent her. Unsurprisingly he wasn't too pleased with what he saw. He did find more than this though as she had also talked to me about having slept with someone else. ( I know she has cheated on all of her boyfriends, some of them with multiple men)

We had a long texted conversation about what happened and what she would do about it and she told me they were going to try and patch things up and go on a naughty vacation together. That he was going to try and make more of an effort so she wouldn't have to go somewhere else. We also decided (at my suggestion) that I should back of for a while and leave them to it.

...later that day she responds to an email I had sent her before exclaiming her excitement for the sexual deviation pictured within.

A part of our long talk was me seeing if she really wanted to patch things up. Whether it was worth it for the two of us to make a go at it. (to this day we still haven't met)

And this is where we are today.

----

Me and Anne really feel that we are meant for each other and that Fate is continually leading us closer and close and will eventually get us together. And yet we aren't ready to end our current relationships for it to happen.

I've never met this girl. How can I break the heart of a sweet girl that I love and that depends on me in a foreign country to go and try out a relationship with a girl I have never met?

On the other hand, how can I stay in a relationship where I have to censor myself, where while I get physical sexual satisfaction, the mental side goes underserved all the time? Don't I deserve to be able to open myself to my girlfriend without fear of being judged? Don't I deserve full sexual satisfaction?

I want to be with Anne but I'm afraid the real thing could never live up to the huge fantasy we have built around it.
If we were to be together she would probably get an urge to have sex with other men as she always seems to do in relationships but I wouldn't have a problem with meeting that urge through swinger parties, threesomes, orgies even. If the urge is more to sleep around behind her current BF's back then I could even look past that.

But I don't want to leave Beta. I don't want to lose her. I love her and I can't bear the thought of hurting her. Although perversely if the relationship were to end through no fault of my own and no heartbreak of hers then I'm not sure I'd feel to terrible about it.

My short-term plan is to stay with Beta and see if I can gradually impress my sexuality on her. I've made efforts before though and I think when it comes to sex a bird can't change his feathers. I'm not sure that either me or Anne can ever be fully satisfied with our current partners.

We scored a 4 on the dice. Dare we roll again?

08-08-2009, 02:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
Viceguy Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 12	My soulmate and my girlfriend Right now I am in a relationship with a girl I love and my soulmate is in a relationship with a guy she loves. We have never met in real-life and yet we have both know for almost 10 years we are meant for each other. I'm writing this here because I really don't have anyone available with which I can discuss these matters without endangering my current relationship. This is my story: Era I Ca. 10 years ago me and a girl met on an internet dating site. We started chatting frequently and fell deeply in love. There was a strong sexual connection as well but as we lived a few countries and thousands of kilometers apart we never met. This did not stop us from being very creative in sexual actions in all ways the internet offered. (I'll spare you the details) The sexual part is important here because I could share with her and she was even excited about parts of my sexuality that I hide from friends, family and even my current girlfriend. With my soulmate (Let's call her Anne) I never have to censor myself or fear being judged. I can bear my soul and it is a marvelous feeling. At this time we were both quite young and not in any position to move between countries anytime soon or in fact had enough money to go and visit. Due to the distance we both engaged in casual relationships. I met my current girlfriend (let's call her Beta) in the internet as well and we started dating before long. I was never that impressed with her to be honest but my opinion was always just high enough to go out with her again. And again and again until 2 years later when her lease expired and we decided to move into a student apartment together. All the time I did this thinking it was only temporary. Just until me and Anne were both in a position where I could move to her country or she to mine. Beta wasn't all to happy though when she found some chatlogs and pictures from conversations between me and Beta though, engaging in some less-than-moral acts. ---- Era II This is where I draw a line in the story. My attempt to keep my two realities had of course failed eventually and over the course of a few weeks this led me to think seriously about where everything was going and make sustainable plans for the future. At this point I had been living with Beta for a year or so and had started loving her in that way that only time brings. Not a crazy teenage-in-heat kind of love but a more sophisticated down-to-earth marriage material kind of love. The only problem was that the sex wasn't too exciting as I didn't feel I could open myself as much to Beta as I could to Anne. Still I decided that I wanted to be with Beta more than I wanted to leave her and take a chance on Anne, which I'd never met, so I resolved to give Anne up completely. At the time she was in a relationship herself that was starting to get somewhat serious. And of course I couldn't give her up. Sure, I cut off all communications for about a year or so but after that we started to casually chat again, but with nearly no sex talk. ---- Era III I move with Beta to a different country for a great job opportunity. I don't know if it was a coincidence, fate or wish realization but it happened to be in the same country as Anne lives in, although some 4-6 hours away by car. At this point me and Anne both have a cell phone in the same country and thus have better access to each other and the possibility of communicating while in private. (as opposed to our computer rooms) This means of course that the communication becomes very sexual again. Nothing like it was before and generally no pictures send between us (although there are exceptions) but not something our partners would have been very happy about. At this point Anne has been with her boyfriend for about 4 years and I with Beta for about 6. I am still apathetic about our sex and that I can't share all my fantasies with Beta, although I like everything else about the relationship. I do love Beta and I couldn't imagine doing anything to hurt her, let alone could I break her heart. It should follow that Anne has been in the same dilemma as have I. Her boyfriend is very "normal" when it comes to sex while she is a complete freak and he won't do a lot of the stuff the two of us would like to. ---- Era IV This is the current era and it started yesterday when Anne's boyfriend found our chatlog and a pretty graphic picture I sent her. Unsurprisingly he wasn't too pleased with what he saw. He did find more than this though as she had also talked to me about having slept with someone else. ( I know she has cheated on all of her boyfriends, some of them with multiple men) We had a long texted conversation about what happened and what she would do about it and she told me they were going to try and patch things up and go on a naughty vacation together. That he was going to try and make more of an effort so she wouldn't have to go somewhere else. We also decided (at my suggestion) that I should back of for a while and leave them to it. ...later that day she responds to an email I had sent her before exclaiming her excitement for the sexual deviation pictured within. A part of our long talk was me seeing if she really wanted to patch things up. Whether it was worth it for the two of us to make a go at it. (to this day we still haven't met) And this is where we are today. ---- Me and Anne really feel that we are meant for each other and that Fate is continually leading us closer and close and will eventually get us together. And yet we aren't ready to end our current relationships for it to happen. I've never met this girl. How can I break the heart of a sweet girl that I love and that depends on me in a foreign country to go and try out a relationship with a girl I have never met? On the other hand, how can I stay in a relationship where I have to censor myself, where while I get physical sexual satisfaction, the mental side goes underserved all the time? Don't I deserve to be able to open myself to my girlfriend without fear of being judged? Don't I deserve full sexual satisfaction? I want to be with Anne but I'm afraid the real thing could never live up to the huge fantasy we have built around it. If we were to be together she would probably get an urge to have sex with other men as she always seems to do in relationships but I wouldn't have a problem with meeting that urge through swinger parties, threesomes, orgies even. If the urge is more to sleep around behind her current BF's back then I could even look past that. But I don't want to leave Beta. I don't want to lose her. I love her and I can't bear the thought of hurting her. Although perversely if the relationship were to end through no fault of my own and no heartbreak of hers then I'm not sure I'd feel to terrible about it. My short-term plan is to stay with Beta and see if I can gradually impress my sexuality on her. I've made efforts before though and I think when it comes to sex a bird can't change his feathers. I'm not sure that either me or Anne can ever be fully satisfied with our current partners. We scored a 4 on the dice. Dare we roll again?