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Hello all,

This is my first post on this site but I'm really in a bind....

I've been dating this girl for almost 1 year now and I really care about her, so much that I'm afraid to end it or commit to it. I've never had a girlfriend before so this whole experience has been really new for me. Everything was great at first, shes is a truly good person. However after a few months I started feeling very trapted and even had a few "talks" that hinted at me wanting to end the relationship. I still think about other girls, particulary 2 who got away from me because I was immature and left myself with a broken heart before it even started.

I felt that I had no space and my social circle was all intertwined and that the thought of me and my girlfriend ending was a nightmare from a society standpoint. I ended up going to Hungary for 6 weeks on a school program but I did that for career purposes but also to get away from everything back at home, particulary my girlfriend to see if I really cared for her from far away.

While there I thought about her but I ended up fooling around with a girl when I was very intoxicated which is no excuse but it happened. I've never cheated before, I've never had a girlfriend before, these feelings I never had before. I told my girlfriend immediatly the next day because I felt so guilty and couldn't live a lie. She loves me and took me back, but I'm not sure why I'm back or why she is....I miss what I have when its gone and the fear of losing control of it.

Now I'm back at school and I just have constant knots in my stomach everyday. I'm going through a lot financially and emotionally with my family and life in general, adding this girlfriend issue takes up even more mental power. I'm confused, lost, not myself, but I can't bring myself to just end it with her because I still care. Just not sure if shes a long-term match.. I've lost touch with my own skin that I don't even know what I want anymore. I watch TV and I can't decide on a show. I live in a constant mental circle, everyday is just the same...another day. Nothing new is happening and I'm looking for a way out and eliminating her seems to be the only thing I'm thinking of. I just don't know if this is the best or worst decision of my life......?

I am entering my senior year of college so I'm at a crossroads. I don't know where I'll be living, working, etc in a year and now I'm just completely indecisive because there are 2 completely different routes.


Sorry for the long post, I kind of wanted to just vent a bit on here.

Thank you in advance to everyone who takes time to read this.