Quote:
Originally Posted by Markus  How can you deal with the fact that your loved one got so much pain and suffering in life? |
Allow me to paraphrase and see if this makes anything jump out:
You attract and are attracted to girls who turn out to have big emotional issues.
When you date a girl with heavy problems you try to fix her...
When the fix doesn't work, she doesn't change and become nice and normal for you and the relationship eventually ends.
So to me that provides a few options on how you want to look at things... you could ask yourself:
Generally, what kind of man attracts people with messed up emotional problems? What characteristics are attractive to those sort of peope? DoI display those?
Apart from their physical appearance and messed up heads what else to these girls have in common? Does their tragic past show up in the way they hold themselves, talk to people, a flair for drama, a quiet reserve, do they share humor, interests etc? How did each of them BEHAVE when you first felt attracted to them... very forward? Very shy? Indifferent? Defensive? Try to find the common patternthat you are picking up on.
you might ask yourself why you have an urge to fix broken people? Is there someone in your personal past that you tried to fix but couldn't, did you imprint on stroies about rescuing damsels in distress and heroic knights? Did you grow up wxposed to someone in your life who achieved a great rescue and was admired for it? What do you get out of trying to fix people? What is it that makes you stick around and what is the final straw that makes you leave?
And then you might be interested in finding out why you have trouble leaving people to their own misery? Are you able to accept and love someone who IS messed up without trying to fix them? If they are "impossible" to live with are you able to accept that that is how they are and refuse to live with them, to set up your own boundaries and let them be theirselves without interference? Can you leave them without trying to fix them first?
Do you have a way of dealing with the fact that MANY women have had one or another kind of tragedy in their past and that if you class them as 'abnormal' you might be waiting a long time to find the girl who has never faced a real trauma... and how would you both deal with a trauma if it came up? Can a relationship with two people who have never suffered have the strength to help each other through a terrible event?
Just some thoughts from somone who spent 15 years falling for emotionally unavailable, damaged men - and who had to learn the long way what was working for me and what wasn't.