[Coffeesmurf]

Originally Posted by brendannz

I think if you're a girl, you like sitting down and talking (you need to talk 5 times more than a guy) but if you're a guy, the closest thing we have to coffee dates in our everyday life is a job interview, so it's not so much fun, depending..

I think it also has a lot to do with chemistry. The six hours I spent talking with my ex-girlfriend the first time I met her felt like half an hour. I was nervous at first but quickly felt at ease. I went on another coffee date some time ago with a girl and the time passed much slower.. we talked for about an hour and a half, but there just wasn't much chemistry between us.

But I suppose if you just relax then it's a good chance to find out what their hobbies are, eg. if they like mini golf, or going to the museum, then you've got something to go to for a second date..

Good point.. and it shows her you actually listened to what she said. Which is great, not just for setting up more dates. My ex-girlfriend mentioned she was a cycling fan so I gave her a small trinket I had gotten from the ad caravan at a stage of the Tour de France, which she loved.

Yeah, I met up with a a girl from a gig I'd held helds for probably around half an hour- an hour for a coffee date, and she had to run away from me in about 20 minutes and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then disappeared off the face of the earth :-( but I lost some of my fear that I'd had, after the date.. I was just awkwardly scared I guess which is why she couldn't stick around.

Any chance she just had to be somewhere? It's easy to think that maybe it had something to do with you - but maybe there's some other explanation. I think a big part of getting better at handling rejection like this is not to take it personally.. especially if there's no direct evidence that she left because you were scared.

Why I'd like new dates to lose some more fear..

Great idea - I've been doing the same. I think it's important to look at dates the never progress beyond the first date as a success too. After all, you got some experience and learned something and next time it will be a little easier.