It sounds to me like you have been an amazing older sibling (sister? brother?) and have acted more like a parent than anything to your sister.
However, now that she's out on her own, forging her own life, perhaps she's going through a phase where she feels she needs to break away from the parental figures in her life and do her own thing for a while. We tend to think teenagers are self-centred, but the early 20s is a time of even greater independence.
Give her some space. I'm sure that inside, your sister realises, or will realise how much you have done for her. Sometimes it takes a little while though, and you can't hurry people along on that journey. She may have even become a little spoilt with all the attention and fuss she has been used to, and needs time to grow as a person.
I know the idea of waiting a few years till she matures might seem an eternity, especially when just a few weeks weighs on you. But like many people, she will probably go through a phase of selfishness, and self-discovery, and then gradually become aware of just who she is really grateful for in life.
Your expectations of her behaviour are hurting you, and her, to a degree. If you can let them go, and let her be, I think eventually you will achieve the relationship you have imagined.
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