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icerain · 08-05-2009, 04:30 AM

Hi Everyone,

I feel like I'm stuck in an infinite circular loop when it comes to my relationship with my little sister and really need some objective advice. Please feel free to be frank if there's any helpful comments you would like to make.

I am 10 years older than my sister. We grew up really, really poor. My parents are both good people in general but not good parents. My dad is a workaholic and my mom is a narcissist (she went off to "find herself" from my middle school years till the middle of college).

For as long as I can remember, it was my responsibility to take care of my sister. My sister was an angel, both in looks and behavior, as a child. She made it so easy to love her and I loved her dearly. It was hard for me because my parents told me in no uncertain terms that I was unwanted while my sister was showered with love. However, if I didn't take care of her, there was no one else to.

I always had a few jobs and paid for everything myself, including clothes and toys for my sister when my mom went away. During highschool, I took her with me everywhere, much to the annoyance of the few friends I had. During college (with loans), I took care of her during every summer vacation and spring break with $0 from my parents.

Throughout all of this, I had always imagined, perhaps expected, that one day when she was older, we would have an amazing and awesome bond. She would love me and value me and appreciate me. I was horrified to slowly discover that this was not the case at all.

My sister is now working and in her early twenties. She seems fairly self-centered, somewhat inconsiderate, and most importantly, she seems not have the ability to empathize. In hopes of making our relationship better (when I still had some hope), I spoke with her about this. She acknowledged it and said it's because "she grew up normal", not like me, so she doesn't really understand but will try.

After another conversation about this with her, she has stopped contacting me altogether. My mom said she's just sick of this. It's been a few weeks and without her in my life, I feel like I'm missing a body part. She is always in my thoughts and I miss her as the baby sister I've always had. At the same time, the thought of having her in my life turns my insides into knots. I just don't think I can take how she is anymore. I feel like I'm stuck somewhere between feeling like a mother and a sister and I just don't know how to manage my expectations. I wonder if we'll ever have close relationship in the future or if this is the end result for all of the work I put in during my youth.

Sorry about this long post! I think it was healthy maybe to just get it out. If you can read to this point and have any helpful advice or a different perspective, I'd love to read it. Thank you!!

08-05-2009, 04:30 AM	#1 (permalink)
icerain Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 2	My little sister Hi Everyone, I feel like I'm stuck in an infinite circular loop when it comes to my relationship with my little sister and really need some objective advice. Please feel free to be frank if there's any helpful comments you would like to make. I am 10 years older than my sister. We grew up really, really poor. My parents are both good people in general but not good parents. My dad is a workaholic and my mom is a narcissist (she went off to "find herself" from my middle school years till the middle of college). For as long as I can remember, it was my responsibility to take care of my sister. My sister was an angel, both in looks and behavior, as a child. She made it so easy to love her and I loved her dearly. It was hard for me because my parents told me in no uncertain terms that I was unwanted while my sister was showered with love. However, if I didn't take care of her, there was no one else to. I always had a few jobs and paid for everything myself, including clothes and toys for my sister when my mom went away. During highschool, I took her with me everywhere, much to the annoyance of the few friends I had. During college (with loans), I took care of her during every summer vacation and spring break with $0 from my parents. Throughout all of this, I had always imagined, perhaps expected, that one day when she was older, we would have an amazing and awesome bond. She would love me and value me and appreciate me. I was horrified to slowly discover that this was not the case at all. My sister is now working and in her early twenties. She seems fairly self-centered, somewhat inconsiderate, and most importantly, she seems not have the ability to empathize. In hopes of making our relationship better (when I still had some hope), I spoke with her about this. She acknowledged it and said it's because "she grew up normal", not like me, so she doesn't really understand but will try. After another conversation about this with her, she has stopped contacting me altogether. My mom said she's just sick of this. It's been a few weeks and without her in my life, I feel like I'm missing a body part. She is always in my thoughts and I miss her as the baby sister I've always had. At the same time, the thought of having her in my life turns my insides into knots. I just don't think I can take how she is anymore. I feel like I'm stuck somewhere between feeling like a mother and a sister and I just don't know how to manage my expectations. I wonder if we'll ever have close relationship in the future or if this is the end result for all of the work I put in during my youth. Sorry about this long post! I think it was healthy maybe to just get it out. If you can read to this point and have any helpful advice or a different perspective, I'd love to read it. Thank you!!