Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Relationships with 'burdened' problem girls

Markus · 08-02-2009, 07:23 PM

Hi, yes the title is strange, still looking for a better one. (I'm German)

I'm just thinking about my relationships with women and there is something very confusing and saddening. (I'm 26 now)

Right now I'm in love with a very nice girl (29) for around 6 weeks. It's been a wonderful time with her but the worst was yet to come: 3 days ago we sat around talking about this and that and then she told me she was one of the 'Tschernobyl children'. (Russian kids living in the impact zone 1986 who got free European 'cure'-holidays from aid organisations). Furthermore she got raped as a teenager and was already pregnant twice, first time she lost the baby, second time she aborted. I couldn't sleep next night, being chased by nightmares and dolouresness. The thought that someone I feel so strong for got so much trouble and pain in his life is hard to stand.

But there was another thought: "No, not again! I finally want a girl who's allright."

You know I found some kind of strange pattern with all of my former love relationships:
I found my first girlfriend when I was 22 (I was an absolute beginner back then). After some very nice days the darkness came: She's mentally (diagnosed borderline personality disorder) and bodily ill (Chron's disease).
I did everything for her, she bled my dry in every way (quite typically for borderliners I learned), we split up after some months.
I found my second girlfriend when I was 24. After some days of joy I learned she was addicted to marihunana & crack and got raped some years ago. Tried to get her clean, consulted experts, spent many nights awake to no vail. Split up after some painful months.

So, thanks for reading all this heavy stuff this far.
I was wondering about two things:

How can you deal with the fact that your loved one got so much pain and suffering in life?
Is this a triple hap? I don't think so. What do you think?
Ok, all three of them got bright skin and dark hair but I think it got something to do with myself. Of course none of them wore a sign on her belly and I knew nothing about their problems when I fell in love with them... but maybe there is some kind of similarity in their character I unconsciously find attractive. Don't know yet. Still thinking about it... Quite irritating. Except one little depressive time when I was 21, I never got big problems, no drugs, no illnesses...

Thanks for your thoughts, greatly appreciated.

08-02-2009, 07:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
Markus Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Munich Posts: 21	Relationships with 'burdened' problem girls Hi, yes the title is strange, still looking for a better one. (I'm German) I'm just thinking about my relationships with women and there is something very confusing and saddening. (I'm 26 now) Right now I'm in love with a very nice girl (29) for around 6 weeks. It's been a wonderful time with her but the worst was yet to come: 3 days ago we sat around talking about this and that and then she told me she was one of the 'Tschernobyl children'. (Russian kids living in the impact zone 1986 who got free European 'cure'-holidays from aid organisations). Furthermore she got raped as a teenager and was already pregnant twice, first time she lost the baby, second time she aborted. I couldn't sleep next night, being chased by nightmares and dolouresness. The thought that someone I feel so strong for got so much trouble and pain in his life is hard to stand. But there was another thought: "No, not again! I finally want a girl who's allright." You know I found some kind of strange pattern with all of my former love relationships: I found my first girlfriend when I was 22 (I was an absolute beginner back then). After some very nice days the darkness came: She's mentally (diagnosed borderline personality disorder) and bodily ill (Chron's disease). I did everything for her, she bled my dry in every way (quite typically for borderliners I learned), we split up after some months. I found my second girlfriend when I was 24. After some days of joy I learned she was addicted to marihunana & crack and got raped some years ago. Tried to get her clean, consulted experts, spent many nights awake to no vail. Split up after some painful months. So, thanks for reading all this heavy stuff this far. I was wondering about two things: How can you deal with the fact that your loved one got so much pain and suffering in life? Is this a triple hap? I don't think so. What do you think? Ok, all three of them got bright skin and dark hair but I think it got something to do with myself. Of course none of them wore a sign on her belly and I knew nothing about their problems when I fell in love with them... but maybe there is some kind of similarity in their character I unconsciously find attractive. Don't know yet. Still thinking about it... Quite irritating. Except one little depressive time when I was 21, I never got big problems, no drugs, no illnesses... Thanks for your thoughts, greatly appreciated.