Edward,
I’ve always been kind of a loner. My reasons are similar to yours—it makes life easier, less painful. That worked for me for many years, but lately, I’ve been dissatisfied with being so alone. All of my reading and other pursuits in the area of personal development are telling me that connection with others is one of the most important things in life. I’m convinced that, if I want to find true happiness, I will need to connect with other people in meaningful ways.
There was one thing you said that reminded me of me so much—“I'm so used to other people being useless.” For much of my adult life, I considered other people to be generally incompetent, not very smart, and more trouble than they were worth. I’ve changed my views on this. I believe that if you allow yourself to think of people in this way, the more disdain and impatience you will have for them, the less compassionate you will be, and the more smug you will become.
One thing that has helped me to change my attitude is the realization that—I know this will be hard to believe; it was for me—I am not perfect.
I am not superior to other people. I know we all say that, but we don’t all truly believe it. Believe it. The weaknesses you see in other people are the weaknesses you have in yourself. And if those aren’t the weaknesses you have, then you have other weaknesses to make up for them. We are all in the same boat.
I’ve forced myself to engage in activities that put me in with other people. I do it mostly through my church, but it doesn’t have to be church. I take classes and seminars that don’t have a lot of people in them so that it’s easier for me to interact with them. I’ve been volunteering for community service activities, which is something I have never done, but it’s been very satisfying.
The path has not been easy, but the more I try to accept people the way they are (with all of their weaknesses, quirks, and faults), the easier it gets for me to find value in them for just being who they are. And the more they accept me.
Good luck in your journey.