[pyrogen]

OK, I'll step out on a limb and be the token bisexual.

First of all, throw out anything you learned from gay men. I pretty firmly believe that gay men didn't "choose" it any more than straight men choose what "type" they are into.

I think that men and women are so different in their sexuality, that it's not possible to learn anything about lesbians from studying gay men. It is just way, way, way too different. Women are not men.

I think that in many cases, lesbianism is a choice. For possibly 50% of women who identify as lesbian - no, I can't back up those numbers, it's a casual observation among people I know. This still leaves a lot of people who knew from the time of puberty and have *never* been attracted to men, ever - google "Kinsey Scale", these people are the Kinsey 6s. But that still leaves a lot of people who *did* choose.

I think the following:

1) Women's sexuality is more fluid than men's. In general, not just as it relates to gender.

You see this at work just in "type". Women are willing to bend "type" more where many men are very set on a specific physical type - she (or he) has to be blonde, a redhead, big boobs, small boobs, six pack, beer gut, smooth, hairy, et cetera - the person can be otherwise perfect but many men just *cannot* step outside of their physical type. This is practically burned into their "love map" in their deep subconscious.
Whereas women are able to be more flexible about what they can fall in love with. Women respond to a different set of subconscious cues and are less "visual". Many happily married women (most?) report that the man that they ultimately married was NOT their physical "type"... because we respond to other cues than appearance and anatomy; we respond to voice and smell more. And women's "type" often shifts with time. Men tend to remain pretty set in what they like.

2) Women's sexuality is more fluid about gender, too - because women are more fluid in general.

More women are genuinely bisexual than men. I've seen this over and over. Also, most bisexual women, "shift" with time in terms of what they like. This is true for every bi woman I know. One can be more attracted to men one year, more attracted to women the next year. This has happened to me. In my teens, I was mostly into guys. Then in my twenties, mostly into girls. Then my ex went through a gender change (to male) and I realized I was still attracted to him. Then I started noticing men more, after we split up. Many bisexuals (especially if we're not wired to be poly) are sequential, not concurrent. We're attracted to both genders *over our lifetime* but not necessarily *at the same time*.

3) Many *serious* bisexual women will choose *lesbian* mates rather than try dating other bisexuals


For good reason. Many women who openly identify as "bi" are either already in a relationship with a man, are polyamorous, are swingers, are "bi-curious"/experimenting or just like to have sex with women without romantic expectations.

4) Therefore, many bisexual women turn to the lesbian community - where conformity pressure is very strong.


A bisexual woman who is *at that time* more romantically inclined toward women, will often just outright identify as lesbian, because the lesbian community is even *now* not very accepting of anyone who identifies as bisexual. Bisexuals are seen as poor commitment risks because at any moment we "might go back to men". Cashing your chips in with the gay community is not just a choice related to sexuality, it is tantamount to joining a religion or a political party sometimes. You can meet partners without joining the gay community, but it's harder, and many gays/lesbians will tend to seek out the gay community when they first come out.

So, a bisexual woman who "feels lesbian that year" will just tend to say she's a lesbian.