Originally Posted by annah
Did my intention to want to move away kill her? Was she just mad and imploded impulsively to get my attn? Questions non ending w/no closure in sight, but need to begin creating another probable life and move on and some how choose to be happy.
Annah, from what you're saying it sounds like there are a few things you're trying to deal with: whether your mom's choice to end her life was to any extent your fault, what your feelings are regarding what happened, and how to move on with your life.
Perhaps you're angry at your mom for doing what she did, or angry at yourself because you feel it was at least partly your fault, or perhaps both. You probably miss her greatly and are wondering why she'd do something that would hurt you so much. You need to forgive her, because she didn't intend to hurt you. You must also forgive yourself as well. This was ultimately her choice, and you can't blame yourself for what happened.
It will probably be hard to do, but I think that forgiveness will help you move on with your life. You will also probably never find out the answers to all your questions in this lifetime, and that's another thing you will have to accept to move on. I hope this helps you.