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Originally Posted by norbert  TheFlyingMan, I feel the very same. I used to have lots of goals, passion and purpose. My best friend accidentally died and this screwed up my life totally. We had lots of common goals and I feel like powerless and directionless alone. Things that were important once doesn't matter now. I have reached a quite high consciousness level. |
I can understand. If my best friend died, I would feel as if the world fell out from under me. Her and I are very very different. She is a teacher(literally she teaches kids) and wonderful and a shinning star. If she died (which I don’t have to worry about because she is immortal and will live forever
), my world would be very shaken even though our goals and lives are very different.
I would be downtrodden and just numb. The idea of never having hot coco at 2 in the morning with her again will bring me to tears if I think about it.
But, I love her, and her dying or me dying wont change that. I will see her again, and I cant be numb my whole life and live my life. If she died, I know she would be the first person telling me it is all ok.
What does that have to do with this? If you subscribe to the subjective reality mindset, then she is a part of me, and always will be, I have just temporary lost the physical manifestation of her. She will be with me because she is me. We are not separated as much as my ego is trying to led me to believe. We are together and always will be.
I will say that even though I can say the above, it would take me some time to actually implement it.
Ultimately, my life would pass, and would I (or she) really want my life to live another 30 years or 80 years never doing anything just mourning her? I know her well enough to know after about a week she would be kicking my ass.. hard.
My love for her and the relationship I have with her, would make me stronger then I would be without her. I couldn’t let her death be the end of me too. Maybe I have to redefine myself, maybe I have find something new to throw myself in.
Having direction is great. Because you are moving towards what you want, and maybe when you get a little closer you will see it more clearly what your after. Kinda like Flying’s analogy. Just drifting along in the water in the general direction you want to go, but maybe once you see land, you will really want to get there.
I Know you will find your way Norbert.
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Originally Posted by Joel Chue This shows that you don't understand yourself and you are still unsure of what you want.
If you die tomorrow, what are the 3 things in your life that you want to achieve?
Many people make the mistake of planning how much money they want to make as their goals. More important is not the money but what they want to do with the money they made.
A goal is not just about money. Money on it's own is meaningless.
No one will affect or stop you from reaching your goal unless it's not your goal. It's sad to hear about your best friend but that's an excuse not to meet your goals.
Can you truly ask yourself, can you achieve the objective without your friend?(slower but definitely can be done)
If you are not as determine or motivated, it's because that's not your goal. |
I don’t think that is true at all. Death has away of making you reevaluate what is really important. If your goal was a new car, that suddenly might seem silly even if your car is old and beat, it just does not matter anymore.
In a way, you have redefine yourself because that person is such a part of who your ego is.
For example, my best friend who I always affectionately refer to as Bear is a teacher. She loves to teach kids. While one my goals in life is to help children and make education better, I plan on doing that by financing the school for her to run. I would have to change that if she died. Or if she died while she was running it, I would become responsible for it.
I completely agree that the important thing is what you do with the money you make not the money you have.
Would I continue on my goal, yes. But my friends death would alter it. It would no longer be my goal to finance a school for her.
Passion comes back when the numbness fades. I have noticed that many people when dealing with death, go from numb to shutting it out. They shut out the emotion because it would hurt so bad to feel. When you do that, it blocks passion too. To allow passion back in, you have to deal with all the emotions that come with it. The more you feel, the more you can be hurt, but its also the more you can love and the more passion you can have.
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Originally Posted by TheFlyingMan
To use an analogy...my head was underwater. I was drowning. I struggled to bring my head above water, to reach air. Now I have done it. Sure there are other things to do (I know I am far from a master in all these areas). Using the analogy, the next step is heading for land. But I'm just enjoying myself now, I just want to chill out and relax. Going for land...I don't need to swim there with the same intensity as when I was swimming for fresh air, now I'm just happy to sort of drift there while enjoying the sun. (i.e. I'm still growing in all those areas but no longer as passionate)
Does that make sense? I feel so lost now...I have no identity, no burning goals (goals yes, but like I said, just drifting towards it and enjoying the journey).
Please advice!!
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There is nothing wrong with taking a breather. To continue with your analogy, you were under water, drowning. You have used up a ton of resources, strength, smarts, stamina, etc to get to the top. If you did that, and got to the top and the sun was out, would you start swimming right away or take some time and catch your breath?
Now that you are on top of the water, you can rest and not worry as much about drowning, but you can give your body and mind a few minutes to adjust. Look at your soundings.. what’s around you?
If you had really just come up, you would probably rest and look around to see if you can see anything to help you, a board to float on, an island, a boat, perhaps when the sun sets (hence looking at something in a different way) the stars point you to the closest land.
Yes, you eventually have to move towards land or you will go back under. But time to catch your breath is fine. I would be gasping for air too.
As you catch your breath, look around, where do you want to go? You have been focused so long on not drowning you don’t even know what is up on the surface.
Sometimes too, peoples goals are not big enough. Say I had a goal to buy a house and that was my main goal I was working for. Well, once I did it, sure I might need a breather to get all the work I just did, but where does that goal leave me? I have my goal, now what? That was my big supper goal I was not sure I would ever get, so now that I have it…. Now what??? Well obviously once you look around out of the water there is lots of things you can do with a house, adopt kids, get a pet, plant a garden etc. All these too though once you do then, you are left in the same spot.
Now suppose my goal was to save cats. I know that if I buy a house, I can save more cats, and maybe make my house a shelter. Now I have a lot more goals. My house is just the first step.
Can you build on anything you are working on now to give you a new goal?
You have taken the first step, congratulations. Take some time to catch you breath, adapt, and look around. Maybe your goal is starting you in the face but you are too tired to see it, or maybe you need to drift for a while to get accustomed to life on top of the water. If sounds like you are still working on keeping afloat. If you are still working on keeping afloat is harder to swim.
If you fought that hard to get out of the water, eventually you will want to move on to better things. Or you might just see a shark
If you feel like you need a goal now, well what makes you feel that way?
Just because you can breath does that mean you have lost your passion for air? Are you taking air for granted? ( I really liked your analogy, can you tell? Lol )
My intuition tells me there is a goal staring you in the face, and you are not seeing it. Something you want to do, or accomplish. Its right in front of you.
Adrienne