I definitely agree with the theory that all our relationships are internal, and that any relationship difficulties are a reflection of our own disastisfaction with ourself. Disatisfaction, frustration and anger all come from the perception that we are not in control. Most people react to this by trying to control the outside influences, which will not only fail but increase our frustration as our attempts to take control are resisted.
The problem is not a person, it is your frustration/anger/disatisfaction. You want a solution and the solution is to find the cause of your frustration/anger/disatisfaction. The truth is the cause is internal, so trying to change something external will not work.
If this is not working for you, you are thinking about it the wrong way.
If your partner is messy, but improving your own tidiness isn't providing you with a solution, perhaps your problem is you want to messier. Maybe you are frustrated at the pressure you put on yourself to be tidy. Maybe you want to be able to see a book sticking out of the bookshelf on not feel the irresistable urge to push it in so they all line up? If your friend is unloading all her problems on you, maybe you actually want to work on your own communication skills.
The George Bush example didn't work for me either and when I thought about it I realised why. 'Leadership skills' are to general. My frustrations are more specific than that. So I thought about why in more detail.
I think his War on Iraq is more about money than people. I think that George Bush needs to take more actions that directly benefit people in need rather than someones pocket. It's then that I realised I think that 'I' am focusing too much on money when I would rather be helping people. I would like to believe that I am a considerate, generous person but I realised that my current actions don't really reflect this, or at least not to the extent that I would like them to.
Hope this helps some people understand the concept. Good luck with applying it to your own conflicts.