Comments appreciated
I'm not over the shock over my Mom's suicide almost two yrs ago and someone mentioned power of intention. I resented /hate this city but lived by Mom when Dad died - she was a non conditional Mary Tyler Moore type, all-ways happy and positive. She slit her wrists. Note she left said sell her condo, move and be happy. BE HAPPY??? I died when she did. Self loathing lead to gambling 200k. Too much time to wonder; is she happy? Did she "make it over"? Does she suffer seeing me cry? Has she moved on/hovering over? Guilt is quelled slightly by remembering that this was co-created; maybe in another probable reality we're happy, nevertheless; why did we choose such a horrific experience and a love/hate relationship as obviously she withheld anger due to my absence and financial debts I caused for school/divorce. Did my intention to want to move away kill her? Was she just mad and imploded impulsively to get my attn? Questions non ending w/no closure in sight, but need to begin creating another probable life and move on and some how choose to be happy.