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kimberleee · 07-28-2009, 06:20 PM

LOTS of people fantasize about others during sex with a long-time partner... it's normal. It doesn't make them cheaters... it doesn't mean they're going to pounce on the opportunity to actually hop in the sack with someone else.

Your boyfriend obviously cherishes you-- or he wouldn't have been honest with you at all. He's shared something with you, exposing himself in a way, because he TRUSTS you. For a lot of men, having the ability to talk openly and honestly about sex and fantasy with the woman he cares about does NOT come so easy.

Now it's time for you to return the favor. You said you were worried that he won't be honest with you in the future if you tell him that his previous honesty upset you. Stop making those assumptions. He WANTS you to be honest with him. He WANTS to know when something is upsetting you. He WANTS you to be happy with him and happy with your sex life and open about your feelings. and most of all... HE WANTS YOU TO TRUST HIM. Got that??

You don't have to yell, you don't have to cry, you don't have to get angry or paranoid or accuse him of anything... but you do have to TELL HIM that since he admitted he has fantasies about other women, you've felt self-conscience and insecure.
YOU are just as involved in this relationship as he is, and YOU have just as much right to feel special and loved and desired.

I'm willing to BET that once you TALK TO HIM you'll both feel so much better. I'm sure he can sense that you're upset about something. I'm sure he finds you incredibly attractive and desirable and he would never DREAM of hurting you like that (by cheating on you, i mean.)

You also need to consider the nature of fantasies. they're never to be taken literally. For example... a woman who gets off imagining she's being raped or violated... doesn't ACTUALLY WANT to be raped in reality. She just enjoys a man who takes control in the bedroom. There are straight women who have sexual fantasies about OTHER WOMEN... not because they're secretly lesbians... but because they like sex to be nurturing and soft and romantic. Someone who fantasizes about a variety of other people-- usually just wants to add some variety and change and kink to their sex-life. Make a trip to a lingerie store and try a little role-play-- surprise him with something new. Have sex in a place that isn't the bedroom... THAT'S what he's really after, not other women.
But most importantly-- TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

07-28-2009, 06:20 PM	#8 (permalink)
kimberleee Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 18	LOTS of people fantasize about others during sex with a long-time partner... it's normal. It doesn't make them cheaters... it doesn't mean they're going to pounce on the opportunity to actually hop in the sack with someone else. Your boyfriend obviously cherishes you-- or he wouldn't have been honest with you at all. He's shared something with you, exposing himself in a way, because he TRUSTS you. For a lot of men, having the ability to talk openly and honestly about sex and fantasy with the woman he cares about does NOT come so easy. Now it's time for you to return the favor. You said you were worried that he won't be honest with you in the future if you tell him that his previous honesty upset you. Stop making those assumptions. He WANTS you to be honest with him. He WANTS to know when something is upsetting you. He WANTS you to be happy with him and happy with your sex life and open about your feelings. and most of all... HE WANTS YOU TO TRUST HIM. Got that?? You don't have to yell, you don't have to cry, you don't have to get angry or paranoid or accuse him of anything... but you do have to TELL HIM that since he admitted he has fantasies about other women, you've felt self-conscience and insecure. YOU are just as involved in this relationship as he is, and YOU have just as much right to feel special and loved and desired. I'm willing to BET that once you TALK TO HIM you'll both feel so much better. I'm sure he can sense that you're upset about something. I'm sure he finds you incredibly attractive and desirable and he would never DREAM of hurting you like that (by cheating on you, i mean.) You also need to consider the nature of fantasies. they're never to be taken literally. For example... a woman who gets off imagining she's being raped or violated... doesn't ACTUALLY WANT to be raped in reality. She just enjoys a man who takes control in the bedroom. There are straight women who have sexual fantasies about OTHER WOMEN... not because they're secretly lesbians... but because they like sex to be nurturing and soft and romantic. Someone who fantasizes about a variety of other people-- usually just wants to add some variety and change and kink to their sex-life. Make a trip to a lingerie store and try a little role-play-- surprise him with something new. Have sex in a place that isn't the bedroom... THAT'S what he's really after, not other women. But most importantly-- TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!