Why is unconditional love the goal? Make the goal to be in relationship and experience it, fully. I think you're using unconditional love as a yardstick to measure yourself by. (or to beat yourself with)
Love just is. It is not conditional. The conditions are added by your mind. Do what you are doing and be conscious of your conditions with your partner (and realize these are also the conditions you have with loving yourself - i.e. "I will only love me under these conditions" instead of accepting self fully in the moment).
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