[billybrads]

Adrienne thanks again for your responses. You have given me a lot to think about and provided me with a nice exercise to take a better look at myself and what I want from myself and for the world.

At risk of driving you nuts though I have to admit I am still confused.

See unlike you when I wrote out my two lists they did not look similar. The things I wanted to do and enjoyed to do were all things that I couldn't really see how I could make money off of.

The kinds of changes I wanted to see in the world included things like people being more intelligent, conscious, enlightened, understanding of each other, and more respectful of each other's differences.

When I look at this list pursuing something like journalism or teaching seems fine.

My confusion comes in however when I look at what I want to do and I start getting more selfish in my desires. I start thinking about how I would like to do this or have this, and then it seems so silly to me to hand over my time to either a school or a newspaper or whatever.

I mean I guess it doesn't really make sense, because I am hardly making any money at all right now and to be honest I am really not doing anything that interesting either, but I guess it just seems really hard for me to commit to doing something that I see as limiting to me.

I am probably being unrealistic, but at the same time it might be unrealistic to think that I can go work for someone else and do what they want me to do, for a limited amount of money and potential.

I really don't even know what I would want to do for myself, but I know that I start to feel clastrophobic just thinking about going to do someone else's work.

If you're not tired of this, I'd love to see what you have to say, and please be honest.

Thanks again,

Bill