[YourHumbleNarrator]

I'm extremely disappointed that I never got a shiv from the makers of The Secret. There are so many situations wherein it would have solved my problems (like that time I was kissed by a frat boy) and it would have helped me grasp the principles behind the LOA far quicker than I did. ("Well, would you look at that. I imagined you bleeding from the neck and it happened!" "GGHHHHRGLLL" "Envision a bubble around my body that extends out to the length of my arm and if you step past it you're invading my personal space. I just got this shirt, I'd rather you don't stain it." "GGHHHHRGLLL" "Ugh, philestine. It's pronounced GGHHHHRLLLG, not GGHHHHRGLLL. Show some respect for language.")