Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Has anyone's spouse left them when their child was only a few months old?

MiBeloved · 07-24-2009, 06:00 PM

Men are overall, scared of commitment. There are exceptions but generally men are scared of commitment, of being tied down and obligated, especially if there are children.
If there are no children, a man is still relatively free even if he is in the same household as a married or unmarried partner but as soon as they are children, all the implications change and the man is then obligated not only to the child but his obligation to the partner increases exponentially as far as he is concerned.
You will never figure it out because to understand it you have to have the psyche of a male. Just as a male body does not usually produce breast and breast milk, so the male psyche is lacking in certain nurturing capacities which are the exclusive attributes of females. If anybody is at fault here, we have to point the finger at Nature or God according to what we believe as the ultimate cause.
My advice is this:
Don’t waste time trying to figure it out. Don’t get into a blame game? Don’t run yourself down, nor blame yourself? Take the situation as it is and function as efficiently as you can in it. Keep your eyes open for assistance from others, such as relative, friends and any another concerned persons.
What to do about your husband? Make the best use of him. Don’t say things to piss him off. If you know his sore points, stay away from these when dealing with him in order to get the best of him.
He has jumped ship as soon as there was a heavy piece of cargo (the child), so there is no sense in causing him to leave port completely with another ship. Don’t do anything to scare him away any further, because then he will just leave and go to another city or state and your only recourse will be child support payments and that is if he has a steady job and is in a state in which courts do this efficiently and promptly.
The main thing is not to lose your cool, because if you do, the infant will be more neglected as a result and it won’t really hurt the infant’s father.
You will have to make do with what you have and so the sooner you realize this and work with this, the better.

07-24-2009, 06:00 PM	#5 (permalink)
MiBeloved Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 863	Men are overall, scared of commitment. There are exceptions but generally men are scared of commitment, of being tied down and obligated, especially if there are children. If there are no children, a man is still relatively free even if he is in the same household as a married or unmarried partner but as soon as they are children, all the implications change and the man is then obligated not only to the child but his obligation to the partner increases exponentially as far as he is concerned. You will never figure it out because to understand it you have to have the psyche of a male. Just as a male body does not usually produce breast and breast milk, so the male psyche is lacking in certain nurturing capacities which are the exclusive attributes of females. If anybody is at fault here, we have to point the finger at Nature or God according to what we believe as the ultimate cause. My advice is this: Don’t waste time trying to figure it out. Don’t get into a blame game? Don’t run yourself down, nor blame yourself? Take the situation as it is and function as efficiently as you can in it. Keep your eyes open for assistance from others, such as relative, friends and any another concerned persons. What to do about your husband? Make the best use of him. Don’t say things to piss him off. If you know his sore points, stay away from these when dealing with him in order to get the best of him. He has jumped ship as soon as there was a heavy piece of cargo (the child), so there is no sense in causing him to leave port completely with another ship. Don’t do anything to scare him away any further, because then he will just leave and go to another city or state and your only recourse will be child support payments and that is if he has a steady job and is in a state in which courts do this efficiently and promptly. The main thing is not to lose your cool, because if you do, the infant will be more neglected as a result and it won’t really hurt the infant’s father. You will have to make do with what you have and so the sooner you realize this and work with this, the better.