Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - What do couples do if they do not want to have children?

aggie · 07-23-2009, 01:25 AM

i used to think that having children gave you more structure and necessity in your life because you had all these little growing humans to take care of...honestly, i think i used to think sometimes that parents had more purpose in life....but it in fact it is just a different purpose than those of us without. purpose that for many years, a lifetime i guess if you continue the whole family thing with marriages and inlaws and grandchildren. i have even had some people say they had children so they wouldn't be alone when they were older...they would be taken care of...they would have grandchildren to fill their lives. i had an aunt and uncle who had a not so great marriage and did not begin to find some happiness and sharing in their lives until their grandchildren came along and brought them together. i came from parents of a generation in the fifties that kids were just part of it all...and i saw how my parents struggled and tried to give us better lives. i was always trying to complete myself with a relationship, a marriage, traditional life with children and the pride of raising them to be wonderful human beings. children started to fall by the wayside as completing myself with a partner in life became increasingly difficult. in time i became less maternalistic because becoming someone i wanted to be and genuinely liked in spite of trying to partner with someone in life became more important to me. i am still not finished

i have ended up taking care of many adult "children" in my life...and that has about wore me out

animals have been my children for a time in my life, my elderly mother has now become, in a sense, my child. for me not having children never really brought up the question of what to do...there is a big life out there and it just happens!!!

07-23-2009, 01:25 AM	#14 (permalink)
aggie Family Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 2,235	i used to think that having children gave you more structure and necessity in your life because you had all these little growing humans to take care of...honestly, i think i used to think sometimes that parents had more purpose in life....but it in fact it is just a different purpose than those of us without. purpose that for many years, a lifetime i guess if you continue the whole family thing with marriages and inlaws and grandchildren. i have even had some people say they had children so they wouldn't be alone when they were older...they would be taken care of...they would have grandchildren to fill their lives. i had an aunt and uncle who had a not so great marriage and did not begin to find some happiness and sharing in their lives until their grandchildren came along and brought them together. i came from parents of a generation in the fifties that kids were just part of it all...and i saw how my parents struggled and tried to give us better lives. i was always trying to complete myself with a relationship, a marriage, traditional life with children and the pride of raising them to be wonderful human beings. children started to fall by the wayside as completing myself with a partner in life became increasingly difficult. in time i became less maternalistic because becoming someone i wanted to be and genuinely liked in spite of trying to partner with someone in life became more important to me. i am still not finished i have ended up taking care of many adult "children" in my life...and that has about wore me out animals have been my children for a time in my life, my elderly mother has now become, in a sense, my child. for me not having children never really brought up the question of what to do...there is a big life out there and it just happens!!!