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Originally Posted by Michelle  Do you want to believe in a God who is wrathful, angry and wants to be feared? |
Well, that's the thing. I don't believe in God, either. In fact, I know sworn atheists who have this same fear. It's not a belief; I don't really 'believe' that I will go to hell, it's just some sort of primal instinct. What's worse is that I'm already defying it. I've left Christianity altogether and am pursuing a very un-Christian path, so it's not like I'm letting the fear control my decisions. It's just a vague sense that divine judgement of some sort is going to sabotage my victories.
How will I experience hell? Well, personally, I think the literal 'lake of fire' is really stupid, but that was how I was raised and so I always have to ask myself, 'What if they're right?' I don't think any kind of active 'judgment' is really that plausible, and I'm not sure if I believe in an afterlife at all.
It's like this: You've been raised with the belief that people hate you and want to hurt you (clinical paranoia). For whatever reason, you go out into the world anyway, but there is a lingering distrust. You know you were lied to, but you can't prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Things like that just don't go away.