About seven months ago, I stopped believing Christian theology and came out as an agnostic (not a safe thing to do in a town like
this one). All went well for a little while. However, I later met with resistance of varying to degrees from friends and family members, one in particular. I know I made the right choice, but the mild insults and condescension--far worse than outright persecution--made me feel like a criminal.
Now, I can deal with the social aspect of this, as I will most lkely be leaving this town in the near future. However, the fear of hell, which was instilled in me during childhood, still lingers to this day. It is completely irrational, especially now that I don't even believe in hell, but the concept was incredibly traumatic at the time. My parents made a huge deal about 'checking your salvation' (like a lightswitch or a lock) and frequently doubted mine, and so I quickly learned to doubt it as well. Some of my earliest memories of Christianity are endless repetitions of the sinner's prayer. I was raised strictly evangelical, so avoiding hell (the fiery kind) was a large aspect of my spirituality, perhaps the most prominent aspect.
I know some of you come from Judeo-Christian backgrounds, but has this ever been an issue for you? What do you think the solution is? It sickens me to know that I'm just giving them the control they want, but it seems impossible to make peace with something I've spent most of my life fighting.