Originally Posted by pyrogen  A passionate and potentially brief affair has given me a new perspective on this.
I consider that there are two ways to approach mating: I call them "tactical" and "zen". Basically, people approach mating in two ways: with the idea of fulfilling a goal (left brain) or the idea of experiencing a process and experiencing personal growth (right brain). the former is the tactical approach and the latter is the zen approach.
Pickup (along with women's books such as The Rules) falls into the camp of "tactical". Love tacticians figure that if they master a certain set of behaviors, they will win their goal (lots of sex for men, marriage for women). Of course all tactical systems emphasize inner game, but there is still a very rigid assumption about human behavior. PUA is actually a superior tactical system to The Rules, because of the concept of "calibration" - TR is completely uncalibrated, does not allow for any individual sensitivities - but ALL tactical methods have the failing of being... overly tactical. You can ALWAYS be ambushed using tactics. Even Rulesgirls get played. Google 'Braddock' and 'French-Indian War' to know what the failing of tactical approach is. Overly tactical thinking leads to obsession and neurosis where following steps 1, 2, 3 becomes more important than the actual goal.
Some tacticians are very natural (the most skilled of courtesans) but some are kind of clunky. Tactics DOES work, but it has failings. In some cases, one absolutely must be tactical. If one is into goal-driven dating - then yes, you must be tactical. If a woman ABSOLUTELY must get married and have x children by y age, she must be tactical; a person in that situation places accomplishment of the goal over connection with the person.
I was very deeply tactical in my thinking - you do X to produce Y effect.
Tactical has advantages - you don't experience anywhere nearly as much hurt because of the extent to which tacticians dehumanize their targets in the early game. At the same time, you don't experience as much growth, IMO
The other approach is the zen approach. This is process-focused. If I were to look at my (possibly brief, but presently unresolved) affair from a zen perspective, I would thank the other person for a beautiful experience and think about what it taught me about myself. The other person in the equation btw is zen approach. Zen people do not make promises; they go with the moment and live fully in that moment. Zen people get hurt as well, but they remain vulnerable and in the moment. They love more deeply than tactical people and it's mostly zen people that report "finding their soulmate". They also have a life purpose (service, art, or world conquest - muahahaha) that they are driven by.
The experience has taught me something. I absolutely have no control over whether or not I ever marry/partner and have children. Even if I found the right partner, I have no control over this. The universe has ways of laughing at you when you make plans.
What would I want, a genuine love connection with a human being, or attainment of my goal at any and all cost? The women on the Rules Board (I bring this up a lot because I think it is VERY relevant to PUA thinking) have lost sight of the "connection" part and want a Husband At All Cost. They memorize lists of what to say to men if men ask x, y, z question. This is a cognitive dissonance producing issue for me.
Mind you, LOA methods are more zen than tactics. Many people achieve great results by setting an intention and releasing it to the universe. And setting up boundaries (like how soon you want to sleep with a person) based upon your own self knowledge is still operating from a receptive (zen) framework.
But trying to do tactics on the manifestation when it shows up, constitutes what another poster called "digging at your seed".
The key with tactics vs zen is you CANNOT mix them up. They are two completely different energies. Zen couples who get together tend to experience full disclosure early on; tacticians emphasize withholding information and remaining mysterious! You can't do both of these!
Tactics may get you hurt less, but there's less opportunity for personal growth.
I'm done with tactics.
Pyro is polarizing zen.
I want a deep relationship, if any relationship at all. I'm completely releasing my intention to the universe and moving on with my life.
Hey. This was good. I'm reposting it as my own thread. |