Happyeq - 8 years ago yesterday my husband died without warning of a heart attack. He was healthy, thin and in great physical shape. He heart was weak from years of binging and purging. I urge you, from the bottom of my heart, to get help. I know, for a fact, that there are a number of excellent treatment facilities. My husband had a comorbid addiction to alcohol, that combined with his gender made it very difficult to find a facility that would even consider treating him. It would not have mattered. He refused the suggestion of a 12 of his friends the December before he died.
His pain came from profound emotional wounding that happened very, very early in his life. He knew the source but he denied the problem except to himself.
I would be glad to help you find the help you need. Should you like to PM me and exchange e-mail addresses let me know. I could not help my husband but I would do any amount of research and hand holding and listening that would be of value to you.
BTW, my husband was a successful attorney. His friends knew he was drinking but few if any knew he had bulimia. It is a devastating disease but there is excellent help available. (There is also not so good help. Choose your help wisely.)
I know you can heal from this. And I know that you want to. Have courage. Do not dispair and do not give up - do not ever give up, no matter what set backs you encounter. You deserve to be well and you can do it.