Originally Posted by blossom  To Brendannz: I guess it is more of an issue where I need to just learn to let these comments slide off my back rather than think about it too much, and letting it get to me, and then reacting! Being introverted though, my brain seems to operate in a way where I have to analyse everything said to me until I come to a satisfactory conclusion , which can take days...sometimes weeks, literally, whereas , with the people who say these things to me, they are able to pretty much dismiss any comment straight away without even considering whether there is truth in it or not, which pisses me off I guess.
I'm a person that likes to be as self-honest as possible. I know this dilemma I've posed makes me sound like I am insecure, and it's possible? It's more that I'm confused, as it is a part of my belief system that being self-honest is a good way to be, so if a number of people keep giving me the same feedback over a period of time, it seems possible to me that there is truth in what they are telling me.
Also, if it is told to me in a way which makes me feel like there is something inherently wrong with me being that way, then it is hard to just dismiss it...it's like they mess with my brain and don't even realise it...they THINK they are doing me a favour by giving me 'çonstructive criticism' which they believe is true...but, being extroverted types, they generally misunderstand me alltogether and so it is hard to distinguish how much to listen to and how much is just them coming from their own limited and ignorant perspectives?
You can see how this can be confusing for me...and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this happen!
Also, I am usually pretty good at recognising when a person is projecting their own stuff on me, however, in recent years I have been through ALOT of really hard times, and it has seriously affected my ability to TRUST my own perception of things and , I guess it has made me look outwards for validation, when I previously was quite good at validating myself...and at times like this I think it is easy to fall prey to other peoples crap when you are feeling sensitive and vulnerable, so it's a pretty precarious place to be! I don't want to spend too much time overthinking on stuff like this, but I don't seem to be able to stop my brain from thinking about it, when it may not even be the reality of things! I guess I'm confused, and it is a battle to retain my trust in my own perceptions and fight off other peoples possibly wrong ones, whilst also maintaining self- honesty. It's a question of who do I listen to and who do I ignore?!
Thankyou Lisa,
I do have things about me that I recognise need changing and I work on that...I just wish everyone else would back off and stop giving their advice and feedback, that I didn't even ask for, about what's supposedly 'wrong' with me, and what they think I need to change! It's so arrogant and annoying and frustrating! Grrrrr... |