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Originally Posted by sallyfrieldam  The thing that bemuses me is the violence in porn. Why the name calling, why the ignoring of womens pleasure, why the desire to dominate? People try and tell me these things are intrinsict to sexuality and my real experience says that I can enjoy sex without violence.
I just wanted the original poster to know that there is a world where a man can love a woman sexually and it not involve him thinking about and maturbating to the thought of other people. I think it is reasonable to want to be with someone who loves you in thought and deed.
If you were in love with a woman and every day she looked at images of men that were better looking than you, richer, stronger, more manly and mastrubated to those images, would you be happy? |
I'm not sure I agree that name calling equates to violence in that it's basically an extension of dirty talk, not necessarily a belittling of the recipient of the name calling, although on the surface it may appear that way. In other words being called a slut might be belittling on the surface, but, for the woman, it may have implications beyond the negative connotations we associate with the term. For example, you can choose to focus on the connotation of vast sexual experience and the ability to please beyond what most women would be capable of, implying that the man sees the woman as a valuable sexual partner. This would stroke her ego in a convoluted sort of way and create additional sexual excitement. It has to be done right, though, using words and phrasing that maintain an air of fantasy, taking care to avoid something that will hit home in such a way as to truly cause offense.
Regarding porn not focusing on a woman's pleasure, that's true technically, but all the films I've seen try their best to give the impression that the woman is receiving pleasure, whether she is or not. Essentially, I'm saying that the man's impression is that the woman is, in fact, having a pleasurable experience. Whether or not that's realistic is beside the point. In an ideal, real situation, the man would indeed pay more attention to the woman's pleasure and the woman, in turn, would guide him and ensure that he interacts with her in such a way as to foster that pleasure. On the TV screen, however, none of that translates into the excitement porn is intended to create, so it's not addressed other than to make sure the actress goes out of her way to ensure the male viewer thinks she's really having a good time and reaching climax.
Regarding loving someone in thought and deed, I think, for most people, a sexual release can indeed be completely separated from their relationship with their real-life partner. Masturbation, including porn or fantasies, does not necessarily imply that a person's relationship is deficient.
Finally, I wouldn't be threatened by the thought of my wife getting her jollies to a picture of some hot stud, but, then again, I don't think I'm typical here, nor am I married to a typical woman (she encourages me to masturbate, BTW). I won't get too detailed, but I can say with certainty she really has no interest in self-pleasuring, not that she doesn't ooh and aah over a hot guy from time to time. As far as I'm concerned, if I can ogle attractive women, there's no reason she can't do the same with attractive men. I would be much more concerned if someone was hitting on her in a real life scenario.
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Originally Posted by Angela Yikes! It's hard to imagine many men not being put out of sorts by walking in on THAT scene!
Fortunately, many women's imaginations are quite vivid, and it's not necessary to actually have a photograph of George Clooney or Richard Dawkins in front of us at the crucial moment. We work from memory! |
Men are the same way. Speaking personally, I certainly have never needed visual aids, although sometimes I choose to use them.
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Originally Posted by Erki I have never understood why is there so much exposure of male genitals in porn.  Porn is usually watched by men and why should a straight male like me want to gaze another guy's penis is beyond me. |
The penis is acceptable in that A) you can't have heterosexual relations without it and B) it is being used to penetrate the woman. I would argue that the penetration itself is a source of great excitement. That's not possible without the male organ. Take the woman away and the penis becomes something we don't want to see anymore because it won't be used to commit the act that we're really interested in seeing.
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Originally Posted by Michael Chi This is getting ridiculous. There are a lot of beliefs floating about with little to no evidence backing it. What if I said this?: |
That's no reason we can't still discuss the issue.