I have a friend that was essentially in the same place a couple of years ago. I'm no expert, but what I did was practice what some might call "tough love". If she was doing something proactive to take responsibility for her problems and better her situation, I was supportive. If she was just whining and blaming others, I wouldn't have any part of it. In a perverse way, it was easier because I was going through my own issues with a divorce at the time and to some extent knew how she felt. I made a decision early on not to think I was some sort of victim, and I wouldn't do anything to enable her doing so.
Like I said, I'm not an expert and just did what seemed like the right thing at the time but for whatever reason it worked. She's made considerable progress since then and has a much better attitude on life. She's also much more pleasant to be around...
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