[Matthew Shea]

Sally, I get the feeling that your view of sexuality includes much more spirituality and love than most other people. Porn's appeal comes from sexuality's basest aspects. It is meant to appeal to people, primarily men, looking for a release, not for love. It's true that a lot of men like to think of themselves (however unrealistically) as the male lion in charge of all the females in his dominion, ready to dominate them as soon as the time is right. That's the appeal of porn. It's not meant to be violent, but it is meant to appeal to a certain aspect of sexuality that you may not be in touch with. Personally, I can tell you that some of the best sex comes when you just throw all your preconceptions and inhibitions out the window and just pretend you're a couple of wild animals doing what comes naturally. That raw passion can create a very strong bond in its own right and result in a fantastically pleasurable experience.

Finally, masturbating to porn or a fantasy is MUCH different than having sex. These things, by their very definition, are not reality. They're an escape from reality and should not be viewed as compromising a monogamous relationship unless they turn into an addiction. At the end of the experience, reality will set back in and the fantasy will be history. The real people, however, will still be there, unaffected by a fantasy that normally has nothing to do with them. Women who claim men should not do these things if they're involved in a fulfilling relationship don't understand the "always on" nature of men's sexuality. We can be in the middle of nearly anything at any time, see an attractive woman and immediately get distracted by sexual thoughts. Unless you're prepared to satisfy every one of those whims and sexual thoughts, don't try to hold him back. Take comfort in the fact that it has nothing to do with you as a woman and that it doesn't necessarily mean he feels unfulfilled in the relationship.