Originally Posted by Strem2
Is that like what you go through?
Nope, and thank you as well for reinforcing my point.
To whatever extent a mental picture relates to actual vision, I am being quite literal. It's like pulling the plug on a TV set, only worse, because I don't just get a blank screen. The screen goes away, no color, no blackness, only VOID. The universe in my head seems to cease to exist. What I "unsee" equates to what I fear the moments leading up to oblivion might be like (assuming the philosophical materialists are right, a notion I rebel against fiercely, in part for this reason). I think that feeling, more than anything, is why it scared me so much. Just talking about it makes some of the old butterflies resurface a bit (accidental intention?)...
Aside from the doc having a name for it, I finally resolved the problem by realizing that there was a sort of necessary "gear shift" involved. The reason I couldn't see my thoughts at times is because my perceptions were locked into the external world, which is a good thing, because if I could somehow see the outside world and my thoughts at the same time, it would produce great and even dangerous havoc - imagine, for instance, having a space adventure while driving. Star Destroyers thundering overhead just as I plow into a tree, or oncoming traffic...
Again, words are inadequate...
Actually, sometimes I wonder if this phenomenon could serve as personal 'proof' that the p-mats
are wrong; if 'I' and my thoughts are related emergent properties of the same lump of organized, energized gray meat, then who or what is observing the absence of those thoughts when they go away? And why are they appearing to go away at all?