Hiya!
I think, honestly, there's alot of confounding variables...
I've heard of the research that attractive people do better, make more money, etc. But, is that just based on them being attractive? Is it based on them having more confidence because they're attractive? Are they more attractive because they had confidence first? Or - does their attractiveness lead to more socializing (thus more practice at dealing with people) early in life - giving them better social skills and bigger networks when they get into the workplace.
See, it's a muddle.
I struggle with similar issues though, and am still working through them.
Here's what I'm learning:
- yes, attractiveness really can be relative. And there are things you can do that help (I've been watching "what not to wear" lately - I hate that this stuff matters, but it does.)
- I also think for overall happiness and success, confidence is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than looks... Lack of confidence can stop you in your tracks before you even try (for me, anyway!) and pretty much doom you!
I don't believe you can just wave a magic wand, or chant a mantra, to gain confidence (I wish!) - but I'm working to find things that I CAN do, and to give myself credit for them... ie I think you build confidence by successfully doing things in the real world (rather than by thinking about it) - start with easier things that you feel certain of, then add in some challenges.
One other thought - you write music?
That's AWESOME (I've tried a little, I'm in piano lessons now.) This seems like something where, truly, looks don't matter - just skill. So keep working on it, and maybe get some of your songs out there in the world so you can start getting feedback. If you set up a website - you're not "imposing" on anyone - people can come to you if they're interested...
Good luck and don't give up!