Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Starting my life all over again... with a new vision

nin64 · 07-03-2009, 01:21 PM

03/07/09 (Dear diary/journal)

I'm 20 and currently my life is in a total mess. My 19 year old self managed to turn my $20000 to $400 (Don't ask what I bought). I was apathetic that time, feel like the world is meaningless. All the goals I've set which was pretty ambitious when I'm 18 look like craps when I'm 19. So here I am, 20 years old, with $400 in my wallet, after bought some necessities now it's down to $350(D'oh!)
Oh well, at least I'm away from my cave men minded parents.
And to make stuff worse, I seriously don't know what I love to do. I might draw, it's close but not good enough.

Right now, I'm continuing to study in the college, pursuing a course which I hate. Well, I don't hate it per se, it's just that I don't want to get a job. That's all.
Actually, I already discovered this truth when I was 17. I set goals to own a business and it look good and it motivate me for around 2 whole year, then, it came crashing down.
Pursuing money seem meaningless right now. Even if I suddenly have billions in my bank account, I don't think I'll be much happier.

The main reason for me stay in this college though is because I have access to the library. They have books that cover a lot of interests. I think I'll become a bookworm for the next 6 months, exploring different career choices.

I'm typing this on a park bench, guess I'm sleeping here tonight. I don't mind actually but mosquitoes really are annoying. I'll be at the college tomorrow.

Last 2 months I spend time soul searching. Discovering my purpose and experimenting with LoA (which bring surprising result). Trying to understand reality. You know, spiritual stuffs. And practicing Lucid Dreaming, which I must admit, doesn't help much with my current reality.
Polyphasic sleeping, which bring more misery because of the extra time I had to spend with my current reality.
My discipline is back to zero again. Well, I don't think it'll be hard to gain it again the second time. For now I'll only plan stuffs for the next day, no more.
I'm gonna experiment with various stuffs, from gardening to programming. I'll try to get 'A' for my subjects. I think it's for the better, I just feel that I need to get As.
My diet will involve lot of fasting. Ramen noodle seem more and more delicious because of their price.
Deleted all my porns. FYI, I watch porn that many people consider outrageous or simply sick. They include... bestiality, child pornography, SM... man, can't believe I said it on the net, being read by people.
I might need to sell some of my stuffs. Hopefully I don't need to sell my laptop.
Internet connection will be cut. Well, I have a bad case for internet addiction anyway.

GOD DAMN IT. MY LIFE IS A F-ING MESS!!! ARGGHH!!

Ahh... that felt really good.

No matter, with no where to go but up, I'll bring good to the world. Yes, just like the witchdoctor said 19 years ago...

ChiyoCoLa

07-03-2009, 01:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
nin64 Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 97	Starting my life all over again... with a new vision 03/07/09 (Dear diary/journal) I'm 20 and currently my life is in a total mess. My 19 year old self managed to turn my $20000 to $400 (Don't ask what I bought). I was apathetic that time, feel like the world is meaningless. All the goals I've set which was pretty ambitious when I'm 18 look like craps when I'm 19. So here I am, 20 years old, with $400 in my wallet, after bought some necessities now it's down to $350(D'oh!) Oh well, at least I'm away from my cave men minded parents. And to make stuff worse, I seriously don't know what I love to do. I might draw, it's close but not good enough. Right now, I'm continuing to study in the college, pursuing a course which I hate. Well, I don't hate it per se, it's just that I don't want to get a job. That's all. Actually, I already discovered this truth when I was 17. I set goals to own a business and it look good and it motivate me for around 2 whole year, then, it came crashing down. Pursuing money seem meaningless right now. Even if I suddenly have billions in my bank account, I don't think I'll be much happier. The main reason for me stay in this college though is because I have access to the library. They have books that cover a lot of interests. I think I'll become a bookworm for the next 6 months, exploring different career choices. I'm typing this on a park bench, guess I'm sleeping here tonight. I don't mind actually but mosquitoes really are annoying. I'll be at the college tomorrow. Last 2 months I spend time soul searching. Discovering my purpose and experimenting with LoA (which bring surprising result). Trying to understand reality. You know, spiritual stuffs. And practicing Lucid Dreaming, which I must admit, doesn't help much with my current reality. Polyphasic sleeping, which bring more misery because of the extra time I had to spend with my current reality. My discipline is back to zero again. Well, I don't think it'll be hard to gain it again the second time. For now I'll only plan stuffs for the next day, no more. I'm gonna experiment with various stuffs, from gardening to programming. I'll try to get 'A' for my subjects. I think it's for the better, I just feel that I need to get As. My diet will involve lot of fasting. Ramen noodle seem more and more delicious because of their price. Deleted all my porns. FYI, I watch porn that many people consider outrageous or simply sick. They include... bestiality, child pornography, SM... man, can't believe I said it on the net, being read by people. I might need to sell some of my stuffs. Hopefully I don't need to sell my laptop. Internet connection will be cut. Well, I have a bad case for internet addiction anyway. GOD DAMN IT. MY LIFE IS A F-ING MESS!!! ARGGHH!! Ahh... that felt really good. No matter, with no where to go but up, I'll bring good to the world. Yes, just like the witchdoctor said 19 years ago... ChiyoCoLa