| | There's something I'm confused about...
Fundamentally, I agree with Steve's post. I was familiar with that particular idea before Steve wrote about it and it's something I've practiced with reasonable success.
There has been 1 case thought where it seems to have been detrimental rather than healthy.
I had this friend, let's call her K. To cut a long story short, I think K has a full-blown case of what's called histrionic personality disorder. In other words, she's a major drama queen. The thing is, fundamentally, she is a very insecure person who needs constant reassurance. I believe that she does mean well fundamentally but she is just really draining to be around.
On occasion, I'd meet her and I'd leave feeling really irritated and exhausted. And I'd analyse myself endlessly "what does it say about me that she irritates me so? what is it about me that must change?" etc etc. I thought my inability to tolerate her behaviour said something about me specfically, like I was lacking in empathy or something.
Then I happened upon the book 'Emotional Vampires' which was eerily apt in describing her behaviour and I realised "this isn't about me, this is about her and the fact that she has issues". Then, I met some of her female colleagues at work and got the strong impression that they were all equally irritated by her behaviour.
The conclusion to the story is that I stopped seeing her, I tried to do the 'fade-out' thing but she just got more clingy so eventually I had to get more obvious. I have tried to tell her that it's exhausting listening to the constant litany of complaints and that she should seek professional help but one of the symptoms of HPD is that they will constantly ask you for advice but not listen to anything you say.
The worst thing is that I do care about her and a part of me feels like I'm being a ♥♥♥♥♥ for abandoning her but at the same time, I can't help feeling she was just really unhealthy to be around. I still don't know what all this means or how to reconcile it all.
If your views on another person are actually informed by your views fundamentally on yourself, does that mean I have HPD? That I have HPD traits? If the other person has a personality disorder, does it make this principle null and void? It's all very confusing...