You gotta face what you fear. There probably is an extraordinary life waiting for you to grab hold of. Don't give up on finding it. Don't escape. First accept where you are and surrender to the now, then slowly and gently, start doing things that make you feel better.
During the dark times in my life, I found that if I simply started helping other people in any way I could, it helped me feel better. Give a homeless guy some money, help an elderly relative with a chore, tell someone in my family I loved them, donate some clothing to a shelter, play with a baby. Laugh. Dance. Sing at the top of your lungs. See waht happens.
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