Originally Posted by MiBeloved
Too bad you did not explain the third offering which was how you gradually put some purpose in your life by developing a constructive life style, because it is more than just being happy and more than just creating constructive thought patters. You also would have had to put practical things into practice and develop confidence over time that you were a person of worth both to yourself and to others.
If I had a clear understanding of the practical application that brought me to this point, I would offer it.
I do know that I came to the conclusion that I had a right to be just as happy and healthy as everyone else, and later in my path, that I was going to fight for that.
I made a decision that suicide, no matter how appealing at the time, was not something I could inflict on my family. I could imagine their pain I would cause, and no matter what I was going through, I could not pass my pain on to them (ironic that pain still occurred in the end, just not from my doing). But that was the thought I grasped to remain here, and gradually I found things I wanted to fight for. I grew angry that everyone else could be happy and physically healthy and I could not. Anger turned to energy to fight. Energy to fight turned into constant research, exploring, and experimenting with new ideas. I did not know what I was doing, nor where I was going, but I did know I wasn't going to accept life in the state I was in. So I was determined to change it, and I still am.
One visual I always keep with me, is that if I had enough 'energy' in my head to send it down a path that brought me to such a dark and negative place, what could I do with that energy if I figured out how to direct it in a productive path?
This is all pretty individual though, I have never sat down and generalized my process to a point of practical application. My curiosity is probably a big key in moving me forward, the 'what if' that always runs through my head. Trial and error and a patient husband have brought me to my current state (and a whole'lotta google thrown in).