[Adam85]

Thank you for advice pianoperformer, Michael P and Gerto although on the point of a psychologist I don't believe myself to have any underlying issues for me its a simple case of not wanting to exist but being unsure of the consequneces in the afterlife if there is such a thing. As for wanting a jaguar I'm not really interested in excessive material positions more I wanted some emotional forefillment from life and despite my best efforts at being a kind, friendly and selfless person I've found that I've received nothing but disappointment, loss and worthlessness. I don't expect life to always go my way but since entering adulthood I've found nothing has gone right for me as i sink further into emptiness.

I think I've learnt all my lessons though I know that in this life the undeserving and evil benefit more than the few good selfless people left. Like my nan one of the kindest people you could wish to meet had a good word for nearly everyone and got Alzheimer's at 60. That to me typifies the meaninglessness of life and if there are higher forces that do have some influence on this world (which I doubt and if they do exist their evil or indifferent to people's suffering) I can't see how they would permit this to happen.

Whatever form the afterlife may take seems more appealing than 50 empty years cause I can't see things changing as I can't change as a person.

Atleast now I won't have to worry about 21.12.2012 lol