Can't help you with the afterlife part.
However, I think it's good you can talk about your feelings here. But please, consider seeing a psychologist , and seeking some help.
When reading your story I see you've been through a lot! I'm sorry for that. However, things can change! You feel you have missed out on things, but there's still so much time!
In addition, you're not boring us at all! You're a good person, I can see that in you message!
Please, reconsider your decision, we're here for you!