The tidiness illustration is interesting, but isn't very clear in that
I grew up in a house that was always — and I do mean always — neat and tidy. Even as a child, I took pride in keeping my room clean and well organized. So it probably comes as no surprise that I often push Erin to be neater and more organized.
In this case the solution is for me to work on improving my own standards for neatness and order.
so were you or were you not organized before?
If organization and tidiness was your value, and you had practiced it fully, then Erin's untidiness may still have irked you, simply because you expected her to live up to that same value. Not necessarily because a part of you wanted to become more organized.
The effect that occurs seems like you simply became more organized, as though your value 'purity' became cleaner, and Erin took note and changed her habits, as though by osmosis, perhaps because her habits took a more striking contrast to your increased tidiness.
Essentially, others may irritate us either because they are different than us (we expect them to live by our values), and in some cases, because they represent some part of us that we want to change. It is not always necessarily the latter (as your article implies).