I don't think that it's depression. It might be bipolar, judging by the mood swings (although it would be odd for the doctor to have missed that). However, I think the primary problem is that you're confused. You're trying to satisfy so many conflicting desires from so many people that you're being torn apart. You're tearing yourself apart, more accurately, because you think that if you tear yourself apart in front of the people that you're trying to satisfy, they will forgive you for being unsatisfactory. You're doing this to yourself to justify your failure to please; if you hurt enough, you must be trying, right? It's not important that you succeed, only that you destroy yourself in the process.
It's your life, and your call, but if you insist on living this way you'll never be happy enough to justify the effort. All the pain and sadness you experience is coming from you, and all you need to do is recognize this fact for it to be relieved. Just watch yourself self-destruct, and see it for what it is. Observation is all that is necessary, because nothing you do or say is going to change what you are. Not to say that what's outside you can't change, but changing it isn't what's going to bring you peace inside.
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