Hi again,
I have an appointment with a professional next week. Don't know what to expect from that. I can only hope that my situation gets better. I still see this girl every single day (it's because of my work, and I currently cannot find anything else around) and think about her lots of time. I have days where I get my pride to work, and act really... mature, probably. But I think it's just the outside of me. The inside is still bleeding bad, and it's showing every couple of days - I start talking to her about my boss, about how he's taking her out, what's he doing to her. I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm killing my self-respect this way.... but it goes out from me... I'm killing her love for me (because it's sure she loves me alot, yet), and I hurt her... constantly. That's not a way a mature person should act....
It's getting really crazy. I've been delaying my visit to the counsel, but seems like I can't drop myself alone from this situation.
Any other advice will be greatly appreciated. I think this board helped me to survive from my suicidal thinking, the crying moods, etc.
You've been really great to me, guys and girls. I keep reading this thread a couple of times every single day. To keep myself motivated to continue. Don't know if I succeed (probably a small step at a time)... we'll see
Yours,
RU (or... Alex)
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