RT Wolf, Angela, ReallyGoodIdeas, Lola, Scott, thank you all very much!
It was tough for me to share some thoughts that were very intimate to me and it was very tempting to withdraw after the first post but I'm so glad I didn't. It's only been a few hours and I already see my life with so much more clarity.
Sitting here, with a few tears in my eyes as well, I can only think about what to say to anyone going through the same lesson and to be honest, nothing useful comes to mind
The only thing I can think of right now is that if you ever find yourself in this situation; take a good look at the difficult truths you can escape if whatever you want fixed would be fixed and think good and hard if your lack of acceptance isn't really just a way to avoid having to face those difficult truths.